18Ten days left until I have to finish my latest project and I am no closer than I was the last time I posted about it. I think the reason for my inability to move forward is because the story is too… harsh in some ways.
I have my “winter” playlist made up, thanks to many of you and your input, and it’s a helpful. Just the right kind of sad for the sad story I am trying to write. But I wonder… Is this why my brain is throwing up the writer’s block wall, because of the content? Some of you may know that I have had a tough few weeks lately. Writing has helped me get through it by just being able to do something that takes me away from stress. Humor I can handle; drama I can handle. So it’s a damn shame I have come up with a great story I am in no frame of mind to do justice to. Frankly, I am sort of hating myself right now. This is why I cannot imagine how people survive writing as a profession. How do you cope with making a living that is so dependent on how you feel inside? How can your work be reliable if you yourself are not reliable? Anyway, I am going to try to get something done tonight. Wish me luck.
Related Posts:
- I’m Back – from December 5, 2011
- So Close. – from December 2, 2011
- Doomsday has almost arrived. – from November 29, 2011
- Story = Headache – from November 27, 2011
- Update! – from November 22, 2011
Hey, m’dear! *hugs* Don’t force the story. If you need to write something else then do so. Space_wrapped is about Jim & Bones stories, not necessarily about filling every prompt (obviously). We’d rather have a light-hearted romp than you not being able to finish thefairy tale. And I know that I’d always appreciate more of your PI Bones, Cop Jim ‘verse. :D Whatever you’re up to writing. Best of luck, m’dear!
Thank you, WN. I want to try to finish my promised fic, but if it isn’t manageable I will change it up for something I can do. And don’t worry about that PI!Bones,cop!Jim ‘verse either. There’s always more of that on the backburner, methinks.
Writing is work, yes, but I always think it should be fun, too, esp. fanfic. It is, for me, about play. So maybe you need to write something more suited to your mood for now. It’s okay to temporariliy shelve a good idea for another time. Or…could the idea be revamped to suit your mood? For example, if the original idea has an unhappy ending, would changing that to a different ending make you want to write it more? Just a thought.
I had this thought too, actually. My current mood should be perfect for writing the kind of story I want, minus the frustration. I decided to go ahead and tackle the ending. If it’s done and out of the way, then there is no reason for me to waffle about how I know it’s going to end. Finding the right words, though, is like pulling teeth. I guess that’s aggravating me the most!
Luck! *hugs*
I’ll take every bit of luck you can spare! Thank you!
Well, I’m gonna be contrary here. I was working on a story with a deadline. Lots of depressing content. Things that I didn’t expect fandom to like at *all*. Had lots of RL drama that was making working on the story a complete misery. When I finished, I got about exactly as many comments as I thought (like two and a half, lmao), but the comments I got were the kind that let me know I had written exactly the story that wanted to come out of me, even when I thought that it was a) pointless and b) going in the completely wrong direction wtf. I got through the writing of this story by remembering that in the end, only I could tell the story in my head, and get it out there, and that even if it made me fight with the people I love to have the thing hanging over my head (and I mean, seriously, we went to bed mad at each other one night over a damn STORY), it was something worth sharing with the world. So you can certainly push this one to the side if you want to, and write something easy just to fulfill the obligation, of course, but that kinda takes the wind out of my sails, when I go that route (which i have done, plenty). Imagine the relief you’ll feel when *that* story is written – and how much more joyful one comment will be for that piece than for an easy toss off. Better yet, imagine how much joy your readers will get (whether they comment or not) after reading something with a lot of emotion, a lot of power. Imagine how you feel when you read nice little things that are tossed off for the joy of reading internet porn, and then you come across something that makes you sit back and say ‘well damn!’. You can do that for someone, if you just keep clawing your way through it. you can do it! (but you can also punt that story to the curb and write what the hell you feel like writing, because hobbies *are* supposed to be fun, dammit.)
Like you, my first instinct is to tough it out. But it doesn’t help that I can’t literally beat it into shape without damaging my hardware or looking like a nutcase. Seems you understand this frustration well! Also, I don’t ever like to think of my work as an obligation met because, seriously, how is that benefiting me as a writer? This is why I am wary of prompts, and of offering to write them, because I can’t simply put down words for the sake of putting down words. BTW, you did an awesome job on your STBB. You really really did. If people aren’t bookmarking it like mad, there’s something wrong with the world.
Then maybe what you need to do is rethink what you’re writing. The story I started writing looks NOTHING like what finally got posted, except the very most rudimentary parts. And why not think of it as an obligation met? As long as you, the writer, are the most important person on the list of people you’re obligated to write for, then what’s wrong with that? What’s dangerous is to write simply for other people with no regard for the story you’re trying to tell. In the end, you *do* have an obligation to everything you write – an obligation to the characters in the story, and the words you use to present them to the world. It’s just like being a reporter who’s exposing a major governmental plot that will kill all it’s people. Those characters are depending on you to tell the truth, and get their story out there. And thank you, seriously. Because I actually did kinda mess up one of my computers over that story before I pulled it together…
Obligation met meant required to please anyone other than myself. I do consider myself the first person who needs to be pleased with the story. How many ideas never see the light of day (or the internet, ha) because they aren’t quite realized in a satisfactory way? If I could write down every awesome thought that crossed my mind in perfect form, I’d be the envy of writers everywhere! All the writers I love work damn hard at their craft. Maybe if I had the confidence in my own ability I wouldn’t be here whining like a little girl. >.> You make some good points, especially about doing justice to the characters. I always have a habit of saying they are the ones telling the story, so essentially it makes perfect sense that, as their representative, I must do everything in my power to tell the story right on their behalf. I simply they were speaking a) a little louder and 2) a little more clearly. That would help me a heck of a lot!
The thing about getting the words out in a satisfactory way is that you have to keep doing it until it *does* come out. There are plenty of people who write for fun, and if their first attempt at a story doesn’t pan out, they can toss it aside and not look at it ever again, and that works for them. Those people don’t usual ask questions like “how do professionals face the page when the page is making them want to kill,” though. They just happily start a different story. For the rest of us, it’s a matter of revision – constant revision, different kinds of revision, revision revision revision. It’s not strange or uncommon at all for these best selling writers with amazingly crafted stories to have to stop everything in order to throw the whole damn thing away and start over – hence, craft. It’s hard and time consuming and sometimes it’s a little heartbreaking to realize that it needs doing, but it’s so worth the extra effort, and it’s the mark of a good writer. Good writing doesn’t just happen – dude, if it did, I think we’d ALL be professional writers, lol! I know I would! It took a shift in the way I look at the struggle to get me through this last story I wrote, when I was having an internal dialogue almost exactly like this conversation (hence my fairly quick responses, heh). Once I stopped focusing on the fact that the story wasn’t what I wanted, and focused on figuring out what it was supposed to be, and what to do to get it there, it became much easier. Which brings us to how your characters are pretending you aren’t in the room and ignoring your attempts to figure them out. If they won’t talk louder, you can do a couple of things other than ignore them right back (which would be to shelve the story) – you can yell at them instead (start brain storming the most ridiculous things that seem to have no connection to the story at all), or you can send them to counseling (try to outline very briefly what you have already and where you originally intended to go, and then get a beta just for the outline). There’s pros and cons to both approaches. The good thing about brainstorming is that if you don’t like to have the story already ploted out, you don’t have to. But you have some stuff in there that you can explore while you’re waiting to face down the demons that need to be written. The bad thing is that it can take you on a wild goose chase, one that your reader will have no choice but to follow. The good thing about outlining is that you can begin to see where you’ve gone wrong, if you have at all, and where you can stick other things in, or pull them out. The bad thing is that if you feel hampered by the idea that you’ve got a plan, it can be a real blow to the will to write. Okay, but what if you already do those things, and you know exactly what needs to happen, and how, and why, and you just hate that you have to write it? Then don’t send the characters to couseling – you need to take a trip to the counselor yourself! Why do you hate the idea of writing whatever it is so much that you refuse to sit down and do it? Why do you want to avoid the world you’ve created? What power have you given this scene that it can paralyze you? And does it need to be there? Is there another way to make a similar point? But I bet you already know all of this, just based on the stories I’ve already read from you. You have it in you to get through this, because you’ve gotten through it before. You might not remember feeling this strongly about it before, but this is a place you’ve been before – all writers get here from time to time. And you’ve got the ability to pull through to the other side – just look at how many words you’ve put down already, and how many of them are grouped together, tied up with a pretty bow that says The End. You got this.
So… when you are making your writer’s counseling column public? Because you have a lot of awesome stuff to say! XD I actually tried to send my characters to counseling back during Along Comes a Stranger. Lady Q broke that poor fellow’s mind. Also, when I was writing my Sea Dragon series, I might have tried to put Leonard in therapy. He came back with amnesia. So as far as past records go? Not promising.
I’ve had numerous people tell me that I should write professionally, but to each of them I say the same thing – that I think I would disillusion myself of the magic of wordcrafting if I did. I write for play, for pleasure, and if that changed and I had deadlines and topics and had to force myself to write even if I felt like doing nothing or crawling into a hole and hiding…I couldn’t do it. It’s an art, not a profession, to me, and it has to stay that way. Don’t hate yourself! *hugs* Your encouragement has pretty much single handedly saved me from chucking my STBB about four times in the last fortnight, and I am so not even joking. I literally go back and read your comments again and again when I feel like hitting Select All + Delete + Throwing Laptop Across Room. *more hugs* I do wish you luck, not because you need it (because you’re awesome), but because you deserve it.
or crawling into a hole and hiding… I feel like this every time I think about finishing my story, which is weird enough because normally I’m all gung-ho and shoving off RL things in lieu of writing fanfiction. I loathe this feeling. And you know what I did today to combat it? I went trail-walking, no stops-head down-mulish James T. Kirk kind of thing, until I about walked my legs off. I’m trying to give my brain time to get onboard but it’s bucking me! ARGH! C’est la vie. Now you’re done and I’m suffering writer’s agony through ’til the end. I gotta say, though, I am so happy you did not quit, and I know a lot of people feel the same. So tomorrow? What BS scripting work? I am reading KCS’ STBB. I’m going to delight in the wonderfulness of your fic and see if I can also psyche myself into turning out my own project on time.
Word craft is so damned fascinating. I often consider myself a very inarticulate person; hell, I’ve recently had points taken off of tests because I poorly conveyed my thoughts even though I was trying to explain what independent and dependent variables are. Yet, there are moments when it’s like there’s no filter. My thoughts flow from my brain to the paper without thought or control and I have no idea why. Only that every time I try to make it happen my eloquence stutters and the words just stop. Several bits of advice. The first is don’t beat yourself up for this. If the story doesn’t want to be told, or wants to be told in a way you aren’t ready to tell it then don’t force it. Put it away for a while, wait until the words flow once again and then try. The second is you can either change the story to meet your mood so it’s easier to write, or you can start on something else to help reach a state of mind that facilitates the writing of your fairy tale. The third thing is writing can be a very cathartic release. If you’re in a place that you really need to find equilibrium but haven’t found it, then translate that into words. A journal post, a poem, a song, a story, whatever works best for you. Don’t stop the flow, just let your heart/mind talk. The final thing is writing is part work, part fun. It’s about turning your thoughts and desires into tangible things and making it all fit together. It’s about bringing everything to reality in a way that it resonates with others. Sometimes that requires pouring your heart out. Sometimes that means research and careful planning. Sometimes that means sitting at your computer, staring at a blank document until you’ve summoned the will to create a few black letters that make sense strung together. It all depends on what you need in that moment. So break it down. What do you need right now? Do you need release from your emotions/thoughts? Do you need the story to be done? Do you need to take a break? There is no wrong way to go about this. Just do what works best for you and everything will turn out okay. I hope some of this wall of texts is somewhat helpful. If not, then we can find another way.
You know, this reminds of that time I was working on my BJT BB and you suggested working backwards from point C, a scene which I knew plenty about. I think of that tactic often and, like now, am also reminded of what good advice you give. Sometimes I think if the world had more you’s we would have a hell of a lot less problems. It helps to hear you say there is no wrong way to go about what I am doing. Thank you!
Put it down, step away, go read something. I would say go for a walk, but from reading the other comments, you already have. I’m not a writer (I keep saying this despite passively outlining a story I want to write, and strongly considering picking up a plotbunny/synopsis I found via youtube), BUT I do know that sometimes you can’t just pull the words out. If you sit there and rage it’ll only make you more frustrated. There will come a point where you can open the file and it will come. I do it with college papers, blog posts, anything. Sometimes your brain is just not ready to give it up. But it’ll get there. *e-hugs and support* You can do it!
You know what’s funny? I don’t really consider myself a writer, either, though writing has become a regular hobby of mine. Writing is just something I can do, on a level that most people can do: put words together, try to remember grammar rules, avoid contrite plotting if possible, etc. Some people know writing better than others, though, like I would know mathematics better than a person with the equivalent of a high-school math education. … So maybe I don’t think of myself as a writer because I haven’t studied it. I’m just playing in the sandbox. LOL. I am trying to step away from it but that makes me feel guilty. Hmmm. Something has to get decided on way or another. If only I could fast forward to the 4th and see what that decision is! Where’s a starship to slingshot me around the sun when I need it? … Oh wait. That was to the past. Mrgh. Definitely not going backwards! *hugs in return* I appreciate your support. I’ll be revisiting this page often to remind myself of all the cheerleading I have going on here.