Title: All for One
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: Spock/McCoy, pre-K/S/M
Summary: Leonard has some thoughts on his relationship with Spock, and that naturally leads to Jim.
A/N: It occurred to me a while back I don’t write enough fic wherein two of our beloved trio are together and the third one is left out. …Or is he? :)

How Leonard ends up in love with someone he regularly calls a pointy-eared menace, he hasn’t a clue. It’s just a thing that happens.

He imagines in some respect Spock is as bemused by the “love thing” as he is. Certainly he and Spock did not fall in love with each other at first sight. From the moment they were thrown together into Nero’s path, their clash bordered hate, at the very least, a mutual disdain. There was nothing starry-eyed about how they saw each other and no satisfying explanation to soften what they did see. But that discord between them eventually became part of the backdrop of living in close quarters, a thing that simply existed. The bristling and the arguing turned into habit, and they learned to work around their own dysfunction when it mattered.

He can only assume, then, they must have been caught in a gradual evolution of feelings and interactions. It wasn’t until nearly a year had passed that Leonard saw through his assumption Spock lacked a heart behind that cold Vulcan exterior, and that Spock realized Leonard was far more judgmental upon himself than the sharpest of the Vulcan’s disapproving remarks. Then the day came when Spock touched his wrist after any another mission gone wrong, just a gentle, unobtrusive pressure, and Leonard looked down at Spock’s hand. He had thought, neither shocked nor alarmed, oh.

He didn’t hate Spock, and Spock didn’t hate him. In fact, the truth was exactly opposite.

There are still times Leonard looks askance at his lover and wishes Spock is a little less… well, everything. Not less Vulcan and more human, per se, but maybe in possession of a startling quality that would easily explain how his feelings could change from near-xenophobic dislike to honest love. Leonard has spent many a night drifting off to the question of why it’s Spock of all people who makes him feel like he has a purpose in life.

He considers his emotional connection with Spock sort of a paradox. After all, Spock himself is a contradiction wrapped in an enigma. By definition, that implies Leonard’s feelings should be the opposite of what they are. Yet Spock is an itch on his skin or a gnat at his ear, and when Spock should be driving Leonard to a breaking point, instead Leonard falls into the kind of insanity that makes him want to shake the Vulcan until his teeth rattle in his head, then kiss him soundly.

He actually came close to trying that one time. Afterward Spock had inquired in a polite tone if male humans suffered an occasional surge of hormones like their female counterparts which made them act irrationally. Leonard in no way appreciated that insinuation, telling Spock so, to which Spock suggested, “Then perhaps we should kiss again. It seems to calm your agitated state.”

When they aren’t debating everything from the use of the Prime Directive to the taste of plomeek soup, or in the process of soothing ruffled feathers and all that, Leonard still finds himself confounded. Spock talks of logic like it’s the only way to live a proper life but listens to every ‘illogical’ thing Leonard has to say as if Leonard is teaching him a new language. Spock’s diplomatic skills will probably make him a sought-after ambassador one day yet the Vulcan cannot grasp the simple need for tact in telling Leonard why they cannot engage in their “ritualistic morning exchange of salvia” until Leonard has made use of a toothbrush. (As punishment, an offended Leonard had refused to swap spit with Spock for the next week. Sadly, this maneuver made Leonard irritable for days and, meanwhile, did nothing to improve Spock’s bald stating of facts.)

Spock doesn’t possess a charm that turns heads. In that, he’s like Leonard. If there is something interesting about the half-Vulcan, half-human (besides his pointed ears and his refusal to use contractions), it lies beneath the surface. One has to dig a little to get at it, to get Spock to expose it. And Leonard can’t say he was ever particularly set on that kind of digging, not the way Jim was. He rather thinks he stumbled over the whole our-First-Officer-is-actually-a-decent-person by accident, contrary to the belief that a certain arrogant captain credits himself with this revelation on McCoy’s behalf. Jim had, in fact, crowed childishly “Told you so!” when Leonard mentioned he and Spock had managed their first fifteen-minute conversation without actively baiting one another into an argument.

But while Spock may not be charming, he does not conceal as much of himself as one would expect. It’s all in the eyes, Leonard once said. Spock gives everything away through his eyes: dislike, embarrassment, curiosity, uncertainty, humor. Especially the humor. Leonard is frankly astonished by how often Spock is amused by the rest of the crew and is on some level embarrassed for his human breathen that Spock is so entertained by their antics. But when Leonard confronts the Vulcan directly about what’s so darned funny, Spock just blinks placidly at him like Leonard’s making up nonsense. After all, humor is not logical.

It’s amazing which behaviors are illogical to a Vulcan and which seem perfectly fine yet defy human logic. Spock is a solitary creature by nature but ironically a possessive one. He checks in on Leonard at least once a shift, sometimes stalks him down a corridor only to vanish into a turbolift in the next instant, and has expressed a particular liking to Leonard wearing his tunic when Leonard gets their laundry mixed up on accident. This does kind of disturb Leonard on occasion except it also has its perks, especially when Leonard has the sudden urge to be near to his lover, because Spock never denies him contact. They have even brushed hands in public in a distinctly romantic Vulcan way. So while it grieves Leonard to no end that Spock picks and chooses what he likes to reveal of himself, he is glad Spock’s affection for him seems to be the one thing which causes no regret.

Truth be told, if either he or Spock had anything to regret…

“You must be thinking hard,” a voice interrupts Leonard’s train of thought from the doorway to the CMO’s office.

Leonard leans back in his chair and playfully narrows his eyes at that observation. “What do you want, kid?”

With a faint smile, Jim steps into the room. “Way to make me feel welcome.”

Leonard drawls, “There’d only be a welcome if you had an invitation.”

“As captain of this vessel, I have a standing open invitation to any party I want, Bones, including your usual pity party.”

Leonard’s eyebrows shoot up. “Excuse me? Who’s having a what now?”

“Pity party,” Jim repeats good-naturedly as he hooks a foot under the rung of an empty chair in front of Leonard’s desk and drags it toward him. “So, why are you hating life this time? Too much paperwork? Idiotic engineers who think they can fly? The terrible coffee served in the Mess?” Once he is seated, Jim gives him an almost coy look from beneath his eyelashes. “…Or is it Spock?”

Leonard asks, torn between curious and affronted, “Do I complain that often?”

One side of Kirk’s mouth curls. “Don’t worry, Bones, nobody does the brooding look better than you.”

Leonard frowns, crossing his arms. “I don’t brood.”

“Mm,” Jim murmurs, still eyeing him strangely.

Leonard can’t decide between reaching across the desk to smack Jim for his flirting or pretending indifference, though the way Jim is looking at him does inspire a bit of nervousness in Leonard. Probably shouldn’t try the indifference, he thinks. Indifference is Jim’s favorite challenge. Just look at how he destroyed his poor First Officer’s defenses three months into the start of their five-year mission. Now Spock can’t even remember what a wall of indifference is.

The doctor rubs a hand across his mouth, having the odd feeling that his mouth might be what Jim is currently focused on. In response, Kirk’s gaze breaks away from him and skips around the room. Jim settles more comfortably into his chair, body posture looking languid for all that his eyes remain bright with alertness.

Following a beat of silence, Jim tosses out the question, “So, is it Spock?”

Was Leonard supposed to answer that question the first time?

“Spock ‘n I are fine,” Leonard tells his friend and captain, vaguely aware it is odd he doesn’t cringe when talking to Jim about an officially unsanctioned relationship or, for that matter, any fraternization he may engage in aboard the ship. But as with Spock, what should be awkward between them simply isn’t.

What is it with all these mysteries today?

“Good,” Jim says, and his eyes are smiling like he really means it. “But you’ll let me know when you two have a fight.” It’s phrased in such a way to be an order.

“This is Spock and me you’re talking about, Jim. We squabble daily to maintain healthy blood pressure levels.” Leonard pauses, realizes he is curious, and can’t help adding the “Why?”

Jim gives a slight shrug. “I meant a serious fight. I know I could fix it.”

“Right,” Leonard replies, drawing out the word in a dubious tone of voice. He picks up a stylus lying abandoned on his desk and rolls it between his fingers. “So what’s on your mind, Captain? Or are you here just to be nosy about my personal life?”

The affection in Jim’s eyes is unguarded. “I didn’t come here on business, Bones. I missed you.”

Leonard feels the corners of his mouth turn up without him even thinking about smiling. “You saw me yesterday. In fact, I kind of remember us taking half an hour longer on our lunch date than we were supposed to.”

Jim’s countenance brightens. “Did Spock say something about that?”

“No. But I got blessed out by my head nurse for not adhering to the department schedule,” Leonard describes dryly. “She sounded a lot like Spock, come to think of it. Maybe he’s been giving Christine lessons on Vulcan life philosophy.”

Jim chuckles. Leonard tells him he was expecting more sympathy or, better yet, an apology for getting him into trouble with his staff. Jim’s chuckle turns into a genuine laugh.

Once their shared amusement begins to wane, Leonard leans forward, elbows planted on his desk, and studies the man known as Jim Kirk. “You seem happy.”

“I am in a good mood today,” Jim agrees.

“I meant—” Leonard decides to let that point of discussion go. “Never mind. It’s good to see you too,” he says in return, still warmed by Jim’s claim to have missed him.

Jim glances away as he lifts himself from his chair but the fond smile on his face doesn’t fade. “Sorry if I interrupted your work, Bones.”

“Anytime.”

Jim gives a short nod and heads for the door. “I’ll be on the Bridge this afternoon if you need me.”

“Hey!” Leonard calls on impulse as the door in front of Kirk slides open.

Jim turns back to him, gaze questioning.

“Don’t forget to visit Spock too.”

His friend grins. “Where’d you think I was headed next?”

Leonard admits to being a little surprised by this news. “Huh. Who else is on your round of morning house calls besides Spock and me?”

Jim gives Leonard a look Leonard can’t quite decipher. Then he turns away, leaving Leonard with the impression an answer might not be forthcoming, until the second he steps over the threshold. “Only the ones I need to see, Bones, to start my day right.”

Leonard blinks at the closed door, thinks maybe he understands Jim too well, and turns to his computer. He types out a short message to Spock, forgoing the official interdepartmental communication channel to keep the conversation private. The message reads: Jim stopped by. Heading in your direction now. Treat him nice.

A response is delayed only by five seconds, as if Spock had been waiting to hear from Leonard. Shall I invite him to tomorrow’s celebratory affair?

To their one-year anniversary dinner?

Regret, Leonard concludes, can be a funny thing. It can also be an eye-opener.

His fingers fly across his keypad. Never a better time.

Agreed.

Leonard sits back in his chair, inexplicably relieved. The truth is he and Spock may seem like an odd pair (and their happiness even more improbable) but where it counts, they understand each other perfectly.

And, honestly, what man needs to think twice about whether or not he loves Jim Kirk? Probably, muses Leonard, he and Spock have needed the kid all along, and Jim has graciously given them a year to figure that out for themselves. It’s strange yet so typically Jim to have faith in these kinds of things.

In the end, Leonard McCoy comes to the conclusion that falling in love is a sneaky affair. The emotion gets inside you somehow and bides its time, altering your life bit by bit—so subtly that once you realize you love someone, you’re already too far gone to do anything about it.

He doesn’t mind being in love with Spock, and he doubts he’ll mind being in love with Jim either. After all, these things just happen, and he figures they happen for good reason.

-Fini

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