Title: Sometimes Pants Are For Wearing; Sometimes Not
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Disclaimer: This fic is not my fault, honest. The ksm_ot3 always looks so lonely. I’m just filling in empty space.
Summary: K/S/M drabble. Interlude in which Jim gifts his significant others with new clothes.

“It could be worse, right?”

Next to Jim, Leonard looks down at the white pants encasing his long legs. “No I don’t think it could, kid.” His balls are pinched and that tends to pinch his temper, too. When Leonard realizes someone is missing, he gripes, “Where’s Spock?”

“In the bathroom.”

“More like hiding in the bathroom. Who let Requisitions & Supplies fiddle with fashion design anyway?”

Jim sighs. “No one lets them do anything,” explains the Captain. “I’ve been told it’s their sole joy in life to provide the Enterprise with colorful bits of culture.”

“This outfit isn’t culture, Jim, it’s ludicrous. I want my regular shirt back.” As the doctor complains, he makes a futile attempt to pulled closed the slashing V of the shirt which exposes him to his waist; but there is too much missing fabric. “My chest is cold ‘n I feel naked.”

Jim pats McCoy’s bared left pectoral. “Very naked,” confirms Jim with a sparkle in his blue eyes.

McCoy glares until Jim removes his hand.

The door to the bathroom slides open, revealing the missing third of the party. Leonard is surprised that Vulcan logic did not dictate Spock flee to his quarters through the connecting bathroom rather than return to Jim’s room—if anything to save himself the embarrassment of being seen. The Vulcan’s attire is identical to Jim’s and McCoy’s, except whereas theirs are light grey and white, respectively, Spock is dressed entirely in black.

And he looks good. Too good.

Jim wolf-whistles.

McCoy, who downcasts his eyes, mutters, “Black suits anybody.”

“Jealous, Bones?” teases Kirk.

The doctor folds his arms to cover his somewhat average chest (particularly, he decides, when compared to Jim’s sculpted abs and Spock’s artful sprinkling of black chest hair).

“So, I’m thinking this calls for a celebration,” announces Jim with a mischievous look. “After all we’re going on shore leave in style.”

Leonard rolls his eyes. “Changeable much?”

“Only because I can imagine us in action. Have either of you heard of the disco era, Terran twentieth century?”

“The what?” Leonard wants to know at the same time Spock says “Negative.”

Jim strikes a pose, hip cocked and an arm angled upward with the index finger pointing. When this earns the man no immediate response except some speculative staring (no doubt in regards to Jim’s sanity), he complains, “C’mon! The late 1970s of Earth? With the umph—” He does the pose again with more gusto. “—and the uh-uh-uh.” Jim shakes his hips three times and ends with a little spin on the toe of one sleek matching-grey dress shoe.

Spock turns to McCoy. “Is this a common ritualistic mating dance among humans?”

Leonard pretends to give the idea serious thought. “Pretty much everything humans think up is a precursor to sex, Spock.”

“Ah.” Spock addresses Kirk directly. “While I find your movements… unusual…”

Leonard snickers. Apparently the Vulcan cannot force himself to say ‘appealing.’

“…I must point out that these uniforms are unnecessary for copulation, if such is your objective.”

“Spock means he’ll be damned embarrassed to beam down to the resort looking like an Orion trader in pleasures of the flesh.”

Jim ignores the implied bit about getting rid of the clothes. “Are you saying Spock looks like a pimp and I don’t?” He sounds nonplussed.

“We all do,” McCoy says dryly. “Minus big hats with plumage. And jewelry.”

“I can get us hats.”

“No,” vetoes both Spock and McCoy simultaneously.

“These get-ups are plenty, Jim,” adds the doctor.

“Hey, I told them relaxing. Like shorts and t-shirts.” McCoy stares hard at Kirk until the man admits, “Okay I may have used the word fun, too… and form-fitting.”

“Never again,” Leonard says sternly. “We’ll pick out our clothes, or buy ’em if need be.” Leonard isn’t certain how many fans he, Jim, and Spock have in Requisitions & Supplies but the doctor gets the creepy sensation of being oogled every time he goes down there. Which is why Christine is his designated liaison for submitting the department forms. “These are going back.”

Jim knows when to concede a battle—or does he? “Do I have to return the underwear too?”

McCoy’s mouth detaches from his brain somehow and out pops an exclamation before he can stop it. “How in the hell did you manage to get your pants over underwear!?”

Leonard tugs at his own trousers. By the interested tilt of Spock’s head, it’s possible that the Vulcan agrees with the sentiment. Well thankfully, McCoy thinks, by going commando there are no lines.

Jim gets that particular cat-caught-the-canary grin. “Mmm. Wanna see?”

“Why bother asking?” Leonard says, amused that Jim is already trying to take off his pants. Leonard and Spock watch the blond-haired man for a minute, entertained.

Jim winds up flailing on his back on the bed as he pulls unsuccessfully at the clinging pants. They won’t budge. He flops over for a few seconds, breathing hard.

“Need help, darlin’?” drawls the doctor. At his lover’s pitiful nod, he says, “I’ll be right back. Got a laser scalpel in my room.”

Heading for the door, Leonard listens with amusement to Jim’s calls of “Bones! Bones, you can’t walk around the ship in that! Spock—”

“I believe humans are fond of saying that once you make your bed you must repose there.”

Leonard shakes his head. Spock still has far to go, bless his green-blooded heart.

Spock is now saying, “Technically you are situated on a bed, Jim, which may be considered as ‘ironic’…”

The door to the Captain’s quarters shuts on Leonard’s laughter, which by then is echoing from down the corridor. McCoy tells Kirk later that he had a number of propositions on the way to his quarters and back.

Jim protests good-naturedly, halting Leonard in the process of cutting through the grey fabric molded to one of Jim’s thighs, “How dare they when you’re a captain’s woman!” He tries to kiss the doctor but Leonard pulls back.

“I’m all man, idiot.”

“Makes you no less mine.”

Spock interrupts. “I suggest you both desist in verbal foreplay and focus on the task at hand.”

Leonard smiles knowingly. “Quit frettin’, sweetheart. I’m getting into his pants as quickly as I can.”

Jim, for his part, simply resumes lounging on a pillow. Leonard has the sneaking suspicion that the outfits—Jim’s at the very least—have served their intended purpose well.

-Fini

Related Posts:

• Its Name is Destiny – from March 8, 2011
• Color Me a Vulcan – from October 30, 2010
• Fun Comes In All Forms – from August 7, 2013
• The Skiff – from February 8, 2012
• The Unhappy Holiday – from December 21, 2011