Title: The Anniversary
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Riverside ‘verse AU; though Jim’s life is a series of episodic (and catastrophic) events, even Kirk is entitled to a happy interlude once and a while. Set between Along Comes a Stranger and Many Bells Down.
A/N: Dedicated to weepingnaiad, who somehow sneakily convinced me to give Jim a dollop of happiness before the author Khan returns to terrorizing his life.

Anniversaries are ridiculously important when one is a newlywed—or in Jim’s case, a newly minted boyfriend of two very gorgeous people. It’s funny that he can consider himself romantically attached to two men at the same time and not immediately feel like the worst sort of bastard to ever exist, that is, like a guy with a double life who expects his lovers will be none-the-wiser of one another. In truth, it is almost exhilarating that Spock and Leonard are in full agreement they are sharing him. He sincerely doubts anyone else in Riverside has implemented such an extraordinary idea of a very public three-way relationship.

Which doesn’t mean, of course, they are crazy for trying it.

Today none of his usual reservations or doubts matter. Today is an anniversary, and Jim intends to fully immerse himself in the celebration of it.

He does what any good boyfriend would do. Jim pretends he has no idea what the day is, lets not an inkling slip that he might think the day is special as he eats his breakfast and kisses his lovers good morning, and then on his lunch break proceeds to buy out the market on flowers and chocolate and silly teddy bears holding hearts. Jose, his boss, says nothing as Jim comes back to work toting three bags of sentimental gifts on a blustery warm day quite removed from the yearly event of Valentine’s and spends ten minutes rearranging items in his locker to make the bags fit; at one point he makes Jose hold the gorilla sporting the pink bow who repeatedly says “I love you!” and “Kiss me!” like a broken record on crack because Jim is the kind of guy who buys the only faulty talking plushie in an entire store of talking plushies. Satisfied that everything is successfully stowed away in his work locker, Jim ignores the muted mumbling of the talking gorilla and spends the rest of his day in the garage annoying Jose.

Eventually Jose tires of hearing Jim laud his awesome love life and his awesome boyfriends and his really awesome future as Mr. Jim Kirk-Spock-McCoy. “Go home,” Jose snaps, shoving Jim toward the break room. “You’re giving me hives. And making me depressed.”

Jim opens his arms with a silly, sappy grin. “Want a hug, boss?”

Jose throws a wrench at his head. “I mean it, Jim. Get out of here before I do something I might regret.”

Jim whistles his way to the bathroom, to his locker, and then to his bike in the parking lot. If he spies Jose watching him leave from the front office window with arms folded and a hint of a smile on his face, Jim doesn’t call the man on it.

Leonard and Spock are settled on Spock’s couch when Jim arrives home at the beginning of the evening (after a pit stop to buy more goodies). Spock seems interested in some news program while McCoy leans against him, looking half-asleep. Jim takes a moment to enjoy the sight of them in moment of rare peace (rather than arguing as they are wont to do with one another). Then he steps fully into the living room and places his armful of shopping bags in one of the chairs.

“Good evening, Jim,” Spock says softly.

Leonard mumbles something that might be a greeting; then his eyes blink open and he sees what Jim has brought. As Leonard looks at the drooping head of a red carnation, he rouses enough to ask, “What’re the flowers for?”

Jim beams. “It’s our six-week anniversary!”

Spock and Leonard stare at him.

“Clearly he is new at this,” one boyfriend remarks to the other.

Spock lifts an eyebrow. “I am also ‘new at this’.”

“Clearly he is new at this and not you,” McCoy amends.

Jim abandons his task of emptying the bags after putting two flower bouquets on the coffee table and propping a teddy bear between them—the flowers will need water, he thinks…and maybe he shouldn’t have squeezed them into his locker with everything else they look sick—in lieu of a bright idea. He grins and announces, “I will cook dinner!”

“No!” is chorus.

Bo Peep appears from under the couch and attacks Jim’s shoelace in an obvious attempt to prevent Jim from burning down her owner’s home. Jim backs away from her but Bo Peep stalks his boots. He explains to the humans (because Bo Peep never listens), “But I want to show you my gratitude.”

Leonard is now fully awake. “Trust me, we’ll be plenty grateful if you don’t touch the stove, Jim.” He pats Spock’s leg and stands up, stretching as he talks. “I should’ve believed Winona when she said you could burn peas.”

Jim is affronted by the insinuation he has poor cooking skills. “Peas are meant to be burned, Bones. They’re gross.”

“What are you—two?”

Jim looks at Spock to rescue his honor, but Spock simply changes the TV channel from CNN to CSPAN. After a moment’s thought, Jim mentally retracts his comeback to Bones—it’s their anniversary after all and they shouldn’t fight, he decides—and pulls his keys out of his jacket pocket. “Let’s go find dinner then. My treat.”

Leonard takes Jim’s keys and tucks them back into Jim’s pocket. “Can’t fit three people on a motorcycle, kid. We’ll take the car.”

“How do you know we can’t, Bones? Have you ever tried?” Jim teases.

“No but I know you have.”

Jim opens and closes his mouth in surprise. How does Bones know about that time with Uhura and her then-boyfriend, whom Jim had successfully tossed off his bike (the stupid fellow had tried to climb on it behind Uhura) and then immediately attempted to back over twice? Uhura hadn’t been pleased, though she was the one who had called Jim to rescue her from her soon-to-be ex in the middle of a Saturday night at a drive-in movie. The guy had made some thoughtless ugly comment about mixed races—Uhura’s mother and father had been an interracial couple—and that was the abbreviated end to their relationship. To this day, if Jim sees the asshole around town and he happens to be on his motorcycle, he revs the engine ominously and the guy breaks out into a cold sweat and runs in the opposite direction.

“Jim!” Leonard’s voice breaks into his reverie of his badass days.

“Hmm?”

Spock’s hand comes to rest at the small of Jim’s back. (When had the man left the couch?) “Let us proceed to the garage” he is gently urging.

Glad that his boyfriends are not protesting too much over the idea of a celebration, Jim nods and the three of them exit the living room, unmindful of Bo Peep who watches them leave with slit eyes.

Jim vetoes The Jade Leaf for the simple fact Gary has a bad habit of insinuating himself into a conversation and commandeering all of Spock’s time. For some reason, the two men speak the same language of business and have a very similar penchant for long-winded, boring conversations. Why Jim wasn’t aware of this about Gary Mitchell before now, he will never know.

“Well, that leaves Chinese, your mother’s house, or the snack machine at the Laundromat,” Leonard comments dryly at Jim’s fierce refusal to set foot inside the Thai restaurant.

Neither Jim nor Leonard mentions the small BBQ restaurant on the side of Hwy 76. While Spock never complains if they go there, Jim suspects Leonard feels as bad as he does that the meal options for vegetarians are limited there. For the second time that night, Jim’s brain supplies another awesome idea. “Ice cream!” he crows without warning. Since Jim doesn’t need to turn around to see Bones’ reaction—he can imagine it will enough—he adds hastily, “We can have regular food later.”

“Indeed,” Spock chimes in. “Also, I am certain you are aware that ice cream has nutritious value for the body, Leonard.”

Jim is pleased to discover Spock has already turned the Corvette onto the street that will lead them to the Ice Cream Shoppe. There comes a sigh from the backseat. “I don’t suppose anything I say will make a difference.”

This time Jim does turn around to grin at Leonard. “It’s our anniversary, Bones.”

“And what better way to celebrate our union than by making a point of how little authority I have over you two?” his boyfriend gripes.

“Aw, somebody needs a double scoop of chocolate chip mint!”

Leonard’s mouth twitches in amusement. “Shut up, Jim, and sit properly like an adult, not a child.”

Jim resumes facing the front of the car, quite satisfied to have won his way.

The Ice Cream Shoppe generally isn’t busy after late afternoon but Jim is pleasantly surprised to find several occupants already in the establishment. In particular, there are three men at the back who immediately catch his attention. As Spock makes a beeline for the counter, Jim tells Bones, “You know what I like.” Leonard looks past Jim and tips his head toward Montgomery Scott and the other men in a silent greeting.

Jim waits until Leonard’s back is turned before catching Uhura’s aunt’s attention and miming with his wallet that he will be the responsible party for the bill. She nods surreptitiously and returns her attention to Spock, who questions the price of something on the menu.

Jim hooks a chair with his foot and drags over to the occupied table, positioning his seat between Scotty and Sulu. “Hey,” he says, “how’s it going?”

Sulu answers in a flat, somewhat morose tone of voice, “It’s meatloaf day.”

Jim winces. Scotty looks pained. Pavel pats his friend’s arm comfortingly and tells Jim, “We are here for Hikaru. Is ice cream not cheering? Why won’t you have some ice cream, Hikaru?” It sounds like Pavel has tried to coax Sulu more than once to partake of the Shoppe’s menu.

Jim slings an arm around Sulu’s shoulders in understanding. While Winona Kirk has finally had the bank approval for the diner’s loan and construction has begun, Sulu is still technically kitchen-less.

“The diner will be back before you know it,” Jim tells the cook; Sulu’s sidelong glance says he doesn’t share Jim’s enthusiastic outlook on life. Jim catches Pavel’s eyes, only to realize Chekov is staring intently at Jim’s arm around Sulu’s shoulders, expression strange. Unexpectedly, and awkwardly, Jim has the unusual sensation he is poaching claimed territory and so he casually slips his arm away from Sulu and drops his elbows to the tabletop. He tosses out a question, more to test Pavel’s sudden change in mood than anything. “You didn’t bring Sasha?”

Pavel visibly relaxes. “She vas invited to Nyota’s place. Nyota says my sister must be tired of having an overprotective brother stay with her every day. She is with Nyota and Gaila for the night. They are having a… girls’ party?”

“They’re watching movies that make them cry,” Scotty clarifies.

“I’ve seen Jim cry over a movie before.”

“Hey!” Jim says defensively to the newly arrived Leonard. “The baby clown fish was separated from its only parent. It was sad, Bones.”

“Aye,” agrees Scotty, “poor Nemo.” His eyes look suspiciously wet at the thought. The man hunches over his empty bowl and scrapes at the last streaks of melted ice cream and caramel syrup.

Leonard smiles knowingly as he places Jim’s sundae on the table and adds a chair to their circle.

“Vhat is this movie?” Pavel interjects.

“We’ll rent it before we go home,” Sulu says, which seems to be answer enough for Pavel.

Jim glances over his shoulder and directs his question to Leonard. “What about Spock?”

Leonard takes a bite of his chocolate chip mint ice cream. “You don’t want to know.”

Bones is definitely right about some things, Jim realizes the moment Spock approaches the table.

“Good Lord!” Scotty exclaims.

Pavel’s eyes widen to the size of quarters.

Sulu is the one with the balls to ask Spock, “Are you seriously going to eat that?”

“Are you speaking from sarcasm or curiosity?” the lawyer counters. He carefully unfolds a napkin and places it in his lap then peruses his ex-large order of ice cream with pride. “Obviously its purpose is for consumption.”

Jim studies it. “What did you order, Spock? I don’t think I’ve seen that before.”

Leonard mutters something too low for others to hear as Spock answers, “The first half is a triple-scoop of Mudpie ice cream in which each scoop is partitioned by a brownie. The individual layers are topped with hot fudge and walnuts. Three ice cream scoops of plain chocolate construct the second half and are covered with whipped cream, regular chocolate syrup, and a cherry.” Spock contemplates the cherry. “I did not specifically request this item; however, I was informed it would be aesthetically pleasing on the dessert.” He removes the cherry and hands it to Jim. “You may have it.”

“They had to get him a special sized bowl,” Leonard says. “I think Uhura’s uncle is going to put it on the menu. He seemed impressed by Spock’s imagination.”

Jim rocks gleefully in his seat. “They can call it Spock’s Delight!”

Sulu cracks a smile.

Since Spock is too busy sampling his treat to respond Jim decidedly pursues another topic of conversation. Scotty talks about his latest project with the Q in between preparing for his first semester of college and Pavel says his sister is excited about the prospect of going to a school in America. At some point during the friendly chatting, Spock pauses two-thirds of the way through his dish and his spoon migrates to Leonard’s bowl.

“What the hell are you doing?” McCoy demands incredulously, scooting his bowl farther from Spock’s reach.

“I wished to taste your ice cream.”

Jim, seeing a disaster brewing, points at his half-eaten sundae. “You can try mine too.”

Spock flicks a glance at Jim’s puddle of melted vanilla. “I appreciate your generosity, Jim. I am content to share Leonard’s dish.”

Leonard bares his teeth. “Eat your own goddamned ice cream first, Spock! You ordered a whole mountain of it!”

Spock primly takes a bite of his monstrous creation before stealing another spoonful of Leonard’s chocolate chip mint. “Hm,” the man says thoughtfully after savoring its taste, “most interesting. The mint is very complimentary to the brownie.”

In retaliation, Leonard viciously stabs at a scoop of Spock’s ice cream.

Scotty’s expression asks the wordless question Should I hide?

Jim sighs theatrically and interrupts the ice cream war going on between his boyfriends. “Okay, guys, share nicely—Bones, I said nicely! Damn it! Pavel, give your napkin to Bones…and why the fuck am I sounding like the parent here?” He huffs, leans over, and pulls Spock’s spoon out of McCoy’s hand. “We are not spending our anniversary scrubbing the floor and, believe me, the owners will make us do it if there’s a mess.” He speaks from experience.

Pavel waits until Jim has Spock and Bones under control before questioning Jim’s announcement. “I thought your anniwersay has passed.”

Leonard, who is wiping chocolate smears from his knuckles, snorts. “That was our one-month anniversary. Jim here is a little crazy.”

Sulu’s look says he thinks McCoy isn’t one to talk about crazy people. Leonard glares at him. Sulu’s eyes narrow in challenge.

Like a godsend, the bell above the door rings as a new customer enters the establishment; Jim is immensely grateful for the distraction. The last thing he wants is a dispute over who’s snarkiest between Sulu and McCoy. He flings himself from his chair, sundae forgotten, and cries, “Bob!”

Robert Wesley is startled when Jim grabs the back of his coat and drags him over to the table. “Jim?”

Jim slings his arm around the mayor’s shoulders and grins toothily. “What brings you to the Shoppe, Bob?”

The man steals a glance at Leonard before answering. “Just picking up something for your mom.”

Jim’s brows furrow but before he can say anything Leonard cuts in with a mildly inquisitive “You following that diet Chapel outlined for you?”

“Of course,” the mayor tells the doctor. It’s clear he is lying.

Jim wants to know, “What are you getting for Mom?”

There is a red tint to Bob’s face. “She likes cookies and cream, doesn’t she, Jim?”

He finds himself nodding without meaning to and quickly desists the action. After some thinking, his next question is loaded with more suspicion than mere curiosity. “Is there a particular reason you’re buying my mother ice cream?”

“As a thank you gift?”

Bob is truly terrible at lying, Jim decides. Especially when the man is nervous.

“Jim,” Leonard calls, “leave the man alone. If he wants to be good to your mama, let him.”

Jim almost says but Mom doesn’t date Bob, she works for him! when he realizes part of that statement is definitely no longer true. He stares at Bob up to the second the man straightens stiffly and returns the stare like he is prepared to wait Kirk out. Then Jim lets the mayor go about his business, well, until he is at the counter.

“Hey, Bob!”

Wesley turns back toward Jim with apparent apprehension.

“She likes her ice cream in a waffle cone,” Jim advises. “You might want to buy a pack of those too.”

As Leonard tucks Spock into the backseat of the Corvette he says gruffly, “This is why normal people eat normal portions, Spock.” After fishing the car keys from Spock’s pants pocket, McCoy tosses them at Kirk. “You drive. I think Spock’s about to fall into a sugar coma.”

Jim is never one to say no to an opportunity to drive a hot car. He slips into the driver’s seat, starts the convertible, and croons to the engine, “You’re a pretty girl, aren’t you? That’s right—purr for papa.”

Something whacks the back of his head.

“If you’re done sexing up our transportation, I want to go home.”

“Hey. Sweet-talking a ride is a gift, Bones.”

Leonard’s eyes roll heavenward. “Just get us on the road, kid.” To Spock, “Don’t throw up on me.”

“I do not feel nauseous,” Spock says indignantly. His knee is bouncing hard enough to rock the car—an effect of a sugar overdose, Bones had said.

Minutes later, Jim is humming to a Rolling Stones’ song on the radio when he happens to glance behind him as he changes lanes. He hits the brakes out of surprise, which causes immediate protest from the backseat. Jim ignores the protesting and demands, “Are you groping each other in my car?”

“Of course not” is Bones’ smug reply.

Jim cranes his head around to look at the location of Spock’s hand. Spock’s eyebrows lift as if to say does this bother you?

“Watch the road, Jim.”

Gritting his teeth, he returns his gaze to the highway. “You lied to me. Spock isn’t doped up on ice cream.”

“He is,” Leonard corrects with a laugh. “I think it’s making him horny.”

“That is a senseless assumption, Leonard,” Spock interrupts. “I am merely making use of our unoccupied time while Jim chauffeurs us to the house.”

Jim’s hands tighten on the wheel. “This is not cool. You can’t start without me. Fuck, I have to drive. Not fair—” He continues on in this vein until he realizes no one is responding to his rant. A quick glance in the rearview mirror has Jim accidentally swerving into the lane of oncoming traffic. A car horn blares as he puts the car back into the correct lane.

Leonard sits up, his hair mussed. “What the hell, Jim! I don’t want to die!”

“If you don’t want the highway patrol scraping us off the road, you both will wait for me,” Jim tells his boyfriends severely.

Spock sighs through his nose, re-buttons his shirt, and his knee returns to its agitated bouncing. “We will wait.”

That’s good, Jim thinks. His brain speeds ahead of their vehicle. If Bones and Spock want to fool around in the car, Jim has no problem with that—so long as he is involved in the activity. In fact, the moment they pull into the garage, he can throw himself into the backseat with them. The garage door will close on its own, so the neighbors won’t get a peep show.

Jim smiles to himself and turns up the volume on the radio. Yes, he is full of good ideas today.

He steals another look at Spock (who appears to be long-suffering) and Bones (who is actually pouting) and says with all of the pure joy he can manage, “Happy anniversary!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leonard responds, though he sounds pleased. “So what’d you buy us this time?”

“Oh, the usual boyfriend-to-boyfriends items: stuffed animals and candy.”

A laugh rumbles in Bones’ chest. But it is Spock who breaks the mood. “Jim,” the man says in a deceptively light tone of voice, “please recall the events of our previous anniversary.”

There is a pause but Jim doesn’t get where Spock is leading and simply shoots the man a questioning look. Spock’s eyes bore into the back of Jim’s head. “The fourth occupant of my home” is all he says.

Bones curses. Jim swerves the car again as he remembers the ‘events’ of last time to which Spock had referred. “Oh shit!” he squeaks.

Jim had left everything out in the open in the living room. Shit shit shit. Why hadn’t he remembered to lock it all up in a cabinet?

Holy quadruple shit.

Bo Peep and the teddy bears. And the flowers.

The chocolate.

Spock doesn’t comment when Jim presses the gas pedal to the floor and they break every speed limit and safety law to reach home. Bo Peep is, of course, smiling pleasantly when Jim bursts into Spock’s house in a panic. She seems rather proud of the carnage she has wrought and then promptly vomits up chocolate and stuffed gorilla fluff onto the carpet.

-Fini

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