Title: Oh So Stubborn
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Characters: Kirk, Spock, McCoy (K/S/M too, if you want)
Disclaimer: Too discombobulated to claim ownership of anything at the moment—even my sanity.
Summary: Bones and Spock never fail to be amazed at Jim’s pigheadedness; i.e. why it takes two to keep Kirk in line.

A/N: I promise that I am not bailing on you guys yet. I have a cold which seems to suck the life right out of me, and any remaining pockets of energy have been dedicated to a new project—the bookmarking of all K/S/M fics on the ‘Net. It is quite a task—one that I am not tackling alone, romennim is my savior—and soon to be completed for the enjoyment of all. Stay tuned to my LJ for that, okay?

The following is an Ode to My Cold, Kirk-style. Meaning, we’re gonna pretend it doesn’t exist and march onwards anyway! :)

“Damn it, Spock! Where’s that fool kid gone now?”

“The Captain, Doctor McCoy, is preparing for the away mission.”

McCoy turns an interesting shade of dark red. “And did you just completely ignore my missive about Jim’s condition? Why, you blasted—”

Spock cocks his head. “Missive? To what do you refer? I recall no message from Sickbay on the health of the Captain.”

Leonard stops mid-rant to stare at Spock. He knows the Vulcan isn’t lying—or misinterpreting, as Spock tends to claim when cornered with a lie hanging halfway out of his mouth. It’s possible that Spock has an inkling of McCoy’s thoughts because his posture grows just a tiny bit more rigid. Len walks over to the nearest wall-comm, slaps the button for the Bridge and barks, “Uhura!”

“Doctor?”

“Did I, or did I not, route a message to Spock’s console this morning?”

There is the sound of general computer noises until Uhura comes over the comm with “Yes, Doctor. Message routed from Sickbay to Science—oh.” It’s that little oh that makes McCoy ball his fist against the wall. The words are clear to him before they are even voiced. “Captain—”

“Yes—the Captain. Don’t finish that sentence, Uhura, or you’ll be short one authoritative figure very soon. McCoy, out.”

He spins around to level his glare on the Vulcan. The Vulcan merely looks inquisitive. That sets Leonard off. “Well?” he practically has to project the ensuing shout at the floor, to keep from startling the (not-so-subtle) crowd of ensigns three paces away.

“Yes, Leonard?” Spock is much too at ease.

He strives to keep his voice under control. (It’s a very hard task.) “Well, Mr. Spock, what do you suppose we ought to do about the Captain?“

“If we approach Jim in a—”

“Hell, don’t you dare say ‘calm and orderly manner’ to me, Spock. Are you outta your Vulcan mind? AGAIN? You just don’t reason with Jim Kirk to take a day off; he’s slippery like an eel. I suggest we tie him down and hypospray his soul to Hell.”

“Doctor, the violence of your words…”

Leonard ignores that statement to continue on his rant. “Jim is unfit for duty right now. He knows it, I know it, and you were supposed to know it and put him in his place! But instead—” The doctor’s mouth thins into a line, as he contemplates the circumstances. “—that bastard thinks he’s outmaneuvered us both.”

Spock waits patiently for Leonard to complete his scheming. When Len has the plan worked out, and turns to his partner in crime, he says with a eyebrow raised high, “What’s your policy on subduing dangerous persons?”

“Leonard, I fail to see—” It’s possible that Spock suddenly realizes he may have let McCoy think too long.

“Just answer the question, damn it! Can I count on you to nerve-pinch the man or not?”

“If the situation necessitates the action, Doctor.”

McCoy’s face transforms with an overly satisfied grin. “Oh, the situation’ll warrant it alright… Jim’s had this one comin’ for a long time.”

To say that Spock is simultaneously apprehensive and intrigued would, perhaps, be correct.

“Any act committed against a higher-ranking officer—”

“Save it, Jimmy boy, that won’t work on us.” Jim looks to Spock but cannot discern the Vulcan’s position on Bones’ newly rediscovered insanity. So he takes another moment to observe Doctor McCoy’s face (who looks too gleeful) and decides to run.

It’s easy enough to dodge Bones (even on a bum leg), but apparently the doctor isn’t attempting to catch him either. Jim hears “Get ‘im, Spock, before he tilts over!” just as a strong hand grabs ahold of his uniform sleeve. There’s the sound of ripping stitches as Jim is swung around to face a blank-faced First Officer and a maniac (armed) CMO.

His hands automatically go up in a gesture of defeat. “Now, look, you guys…”

“Oh, Jim.” Bones is in his face now, leaning in (leering?). “My Jim. You’ve fooled us for the last time, kid. I’d say Spock, here, and I are owed some serious comeuppance.”

Jim doesn’t like the sound of that. He wonders if the nerves dancing along his spine are apparent on his face too.

Spock, for the first time since entering the Ready Room, speaks. He addresses the doctor without looking away from the captured Captain. “Doctor McCoy, you must calm yourself. The Captain understands his predicament.” The look in Spock’s eyes, as they bore into Jim’s, says I hope, for your sake, that you do understand, Jim.

Just to clarify, Jim remarks, “It was just a little comm-system malfunction, Bones.” The fact that Bones scowls so darkly tells Jim that the doctor is fully aware of just how Jim likes to “help” the comm-system malfunction on occasion. Oops. Can’t retreat now. He turns to Spock. “What’s the probability of malfunction with this starship, Mr. Spock?”

“I am not required to answer your inquiry.” Shit. Spock won’t be turned aside either.

He goes with “I won’t apologize! The Captain is needed on each away mission. It’s my duty—”

“To get yourself killed, Jim? I don’t think so. You see, it’s my job to keep you in one piece—and I’m damn well gonna do it too!”

Why is Bones so stubborn? “Spock, release me.”

Spock gently pulls Jim around so that the Vulcan’s back is at the exit and his eyes are on Jim. Then he lets go of Jim’s arm. “Released, Captain.”

Jim doesn’t understand. Why is Spock stubborn too? (How is it kosher for a Vulcan to be that way? Doesn’t it… violate the Creed of No Emotions or something?) Jim knows he’s in trouble because he is smack in the middle of the CMO and First Officer, neither of which shows any inclination to budge. “Fine! You win! I won’t go.” He crosses his arms and widens his stance—to keep on his feet.

He doesn’t need to see Bones to know what the doctor is doing. It’s obvious enough as he listens to Uhura’s voice sound into the room and McCoy explain that the Captain is on official medical leave until further notice. When Uhura mildly agrees, Jim thinks about this band of traitors he has for crewmen.

Eventually there is a hand on his shoulder and a husky Southern voice in his ear. “Quit pouting, you baby. Be grateful you have the two of us to make sure you live another day.”

“I’m an adult, McCoy!” Jim snaps. “I am perfectly capable of—”

“No, you aren’t. And I’m especially convinced of that now, seeing as you only got your pants half-on…”

“And whose fault is that! It’s this stupid splint. Seriously, Bones? Who uses splints these days?”

“What do you want me to do, snap my fingers and magically heal your fractures?” Bones comes around to stand beside Spock. Then the doctor says to the Vulcan, “I can’t reason with him—you do it, oh Logical One.”

Spock studies McCoy. “Your sarcasm is inappropriate.”

“And your emotional void is damned annoying!“

The argument begins to escalate. Jim sighs and hobbles over to a chair. He tries to decide on which of the two officers he’s going to convince to give him a leg massage, because they both definitely owe him right now. The rest of the pants manage to come off without too much of a struggle, and so he balls them up and pitches them between Bones and Spock.

The (rather hearty) discussion ceases. They both look at Jim, who says “Done? Good. No away mission equals bored Jim. Come over here.”

-Fini

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