Title: Forget Me Not (4/?)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: When Jim spends time with his First Officer and CMO, he seems sad. Neither Spock nor McCoy can figure out why.
Previous Parts: 1 | 2 | 3
Or read at AO3

Part Three went up yesterday. Please read it first if you have not!

I woke up, and I could breathe. The worst had occurred without my being aware of it. A point of no return. Once again, I’d failed.

The time remaining is less than half now. It won’t be long until they corner me with their questions. And then, no matter what I say or do or try in order to save us, we will lose.

I will lose them again.

Personal Log, James T. Kirk

“You’re not going anywhere, Captain, until I personally declare you fit to return to duty!”

“Then do it!”

The doctor and captain are at a stand-off in a small room, a man at each end, one eyeing the other warily. Leonard had hustled Kirk into the examination room when he had caught sight of the man breaking out of Quarantine with a security code that should not be in his possession. Spock remains outside the closed door, playing guard while Leonard and Jim chat.

The chat has been going poorly in Leonard’s opinion. It’s closer to a shouting match, though Kirk is evidently fighting to control the more slippery side of his temper. But it isn’t just Kirk’s frenetic mannerisms which throw Leonard off: Jim looks inexplicably healthy, barring the dark circles under his eyes. (Leonard has seen Jim sporting those dark circles for weeks, so unfortunately he cannot count them as evidence of illness.)

“You can see with your own eyes I am fit to return to duty, Dr. McCoy, so I expect you to record that in your medical log accordingly.” The callousness inherent in Kirk’s tone chills Leonard as much as it upsets him.

Leonard stares. Jim must be testing him. Surely that’s what this is. “Jim, you can’t be serious.”

The other man turns away, ignoring the doctor’s half-hearted plea, and shucks the standard-issue shirt worn by most Sickbay patients. Apparently he has already scared a yeoman into bringing down a change of his regular clothes. The black undershirt goes on first, then the gold tunic over that. Watching Jim dress for duty, Leonard knows he is quickly losing ground. In another minute, Jim will simply stride past him and out the door.

Leonard can’t let him do that.

Falling silent, he sneaks up behind his captain, a hypospray full of sedative he had slipped into his pocket earlier in his hand. This could cost him his job, his entire career in Starfleet in fact, but Leonard would rather face a court martial than allow Jim to escape what is quickly devolving into a dangerous situation. (As if he can let a potentially contagious man run amok on the ship, regardless of that stupid blood test!) He’ll just have to turn himself in to Spock once everything’s said and done.

He doesn’t count on Jim’s lightning-quick reflexes or the man’s heightened paranoia.

Like an angry snake, Jim strikes out at Leonard’s arm. The hard hand-chop delivered to McCoy’s wrist causes the doctor to cry out and lose his hold on the hypospray, which rolls under a nearby table. Then Jim is on him, fingers digging into the soft flesh of Leonard’s arms. The tow-headed man looks incensed, maybe slightly crazed, like he wants nothing more than to shake Leonard until the doctor’s teeth rattle in his head.

“Bones…” Kirk says darkly. “Bones, what you are doing?”

“I could ask the same of you!” Leonard tries to pull out of Jim’s grip. The hold on him tightens in response. “Jim, let go!”

“No,” replies his captor, “not until you promise you won’t try a stupid move like that again.”

“Damn it, Jim!” Leonard knows he is close to pleading. “I can’t just let you walk out of Sickbay!” There’s no point in fighting, not like this. He stills suddenly, letting himself go limp.

The wild look in Kirk’s eyes fades somewhat, as if he can feel the minute tremor that runs the length of Leonard’s body. Finally that unforgiving grip on Leonard’s arms eases. For a split second, as Jim’s resolve wavers, an apology seems to be on the tip of the man’s tongue.

“You will release the doctor,” a frosty voice cuts in. Spock is standing just within the doorway. (When had he entered the room? No one had noticed.)

He looks… Leonard swallows hard. There is no proper way to describe how intimidating Spock currently looks. Leonard has seen ensigns flee in the opposite direction when the Vulcan is in such an intense state but never has Spock directed that kind of ire at Jim—Jim, of all people.

Their beloved Captain.

To whom, admittedly, Leonard sometimes wants to give a swift kick in the ass.

But never Spock.

As the First Officer steps fully into the room and the door slides shut behind him, he repeats his order coldly like he is addressing a stranger or, worse, an enemy. “Captain Kirk, you will release the doctor.”

An almost comical expression passes over Jim’s face, but he does as Spock commands. Leonard moves out of reach of both men, rubbing at a sore spot on his left arm. Jim’s throat works silently as he looks at Spock; Leonard cannot interpret what Jim is thinking.

“Spock,” the doctor tries for a calm tone. (And where is that calmness Spock had lent him earlier? All he can feel in the back of his mind is an angry buzzing.) “Spock, Jim wasn’t…”

“Hurting you?” finishes the Vulcan too softly. His stare doesn’t stray from Kirk’s. “In a few hours, you will have bruises which prove otherwise, Doctor. Do you wish to press charges against this man for assault?”

Leonard’s mouth drops open. “Against—against Jim? Are you out of your Vulcan mind!”

“I could argue self-defense,” Jim tells his First Officer. The atmosphere of the room has grown too quiet and tense.

“Indeed?” Spock’s tone implies he would see to it that claim never stood up in court.

Leonard’s hands lift, palms out, because this is insane. “Wait a doggone minute, you two! Nothing happened here. Nothing,” he stresses.

Jim and Spock seem too absorbed in some kind of silent challenge to pay attention to him. And because they don’t acknowledge his willingness to let the confrontation go—that sparks Leonard’s temper like nothing else could.

Stalking over to the nearest flat surface and object to hand, a table and an empty metal tray, he grabs the latter and beats it repeatedly against the former with gusto. The jarring sounds are enough to cause Spock to wince. With a final thwack, Leonard unceremoniously drops the tray back to the table, his glare daring either man to ignore him now.

Jim has a hand to his temple, appearing faintly pained. “Bones, I don’t think that was necessary.”

“Says the man who looked like he wanted to kill me a second ago,” Leonard snaps back.

Jim pales.

Immediately a good portion of Leonard’s anger fizzles out. “Sorry, Jim. I swear I don’t really think that.”

“Bones…” Jim steps back, close to the wall, and runs a hand over his mouth. The gesture gives Jim enough time to hold back whatever else he might have said.

“You may be satisfied without an explanation, Leonard,” Spock intervenes, cutting a sidelong glance at McCoy, “but I require one. Captain?”

Jim had flinched when Spock called Leonard by his first name. Why would Jim flinch over that? Leonard unexpectedly thinks if he had the answer to that question, he would know something vital about the strangeness going on with Jim.

Some of the fight had drained out of Kirk at the Vulcan’s implacable tone. Now he lifts a hand weakly in apology. “You’re right to call me out, Commander. I treated McCoy too roughly—which I regret.”

“Hey, I’m no shrinking violet!”

“Doctor, please do not interrupt the Captain.”

Leonard whirls on Spock. “Now you’re taking his side? Well make up your damn mind, Spock!” A part of him thinks this is the best way to resolve the hard feelings in the room. He’ll pick a fight with Spock and Jim will have to mediate, which he always does with a laugh and a fondness in his eyes…

But their captain stays silent, has in fact turned to face away from them as if he doesn’t care that they might fight.

Leonard realizes in that moment whatever he thinks of James T. Kirk in his head, this Jim isn’t that man. The newfound knowledge hurts him in a way he can’t define, and the heart goes out of McCoy.

“Jim,” he says sadly, “what’s happened to you?”

It seems like Jim might ignore that as well until, looking at an opposite wall with arms crossed (a clear sign that he doesn’t want anyone near him) Jim speaks. “McCoy, you need to let me out of here. I have a ship to run.”

“You’re asking me to ignore my better judgment, sir.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Jim responds, voice flat.

“But there was,” Leonard argues stubbornly. “Jim, we didn’t finish the treatments, and the choriomeningitis didn’t run its course. So who’s to say it won’t come back the moment you head for your quarters or to the mess hall? At that point, you will be risking your crewmen’s lives as well as your own.” Needless to say, that is already happening; but everyone has strict orders to stay in Sickbay until McCoy releases them.

He thinks Jim’s silence is hesitation, a possible acquiescence that Leonard is making some sense, but then Jim finally looks at him. There is no hint of surrender in Jim’s eyes, only a heartbreaking resolve and grim certainty. “The meningitis won’t come back.”

For some reason, Leonard hears an unspoken this time.

“Can you guarantee that?” Leonard asks, partly curious and partly hoping to force Jim into a corner.

But Jim nods once, the movement sharp. “I can guarantee it, Dr. McCoy.”

Leonard can’t believe Jim would promise that. He looks to Spock, for surely the one person in the room who has little tolerance for baseless facts has something to say about that idiotic statement. Spock, however, has his gaze fixed solely on Kirk. It isn’t a condemning look, or even a dismayed one, which the Vulcan gives the captain.

Spock believes Jim.

The world has turned on its head, and nobody but Leonard McCoy seems to know it. He prods Spock with his elbow. Spock blinks and turns to stare in his direction.

“Ask why,” demands the doctor.

“Pardon?”

“Ask Jim why, you blockheaded Vulcan. He said he’s not going to get sick again, and while I know he’s good at performing miracles when he sets his mind to it, I’d say even this is beyond our good captain’s reach.”

“Jim is not lying.”

A second voice chimes in. “Bones…”

Leonard straightens and stabs a finger into Spock’s sternum. “I don’t care! Ask. Him. Why.”

Spock turns to Jim and echoes that final word like he cannot think of anything else to do except what Leonard demands.

Jim looks from Spock to Leonard, expression unreadable. “I can’t give you an answer.”

“You mean you won’t,” Leonard corrects.

Jim’s silence is answer enough to that accusation.

“Jim, you’re putting me between a rock and a hard place. I think you know what I’ll have to do. If I enter a doubt into my medical log, any doubt, you’re required to answer it.”

“Is that a threat, McCoy?”

Great, he has both angered and amused Jim in the span of two seconds. Leonard sighs through his nose.

Suddenly, Jim relaxes—relaxes and smiles.

Immediately Leonard is wary.

“Of course I should know better than to play poker with my CMO,” Jim says good-naturedly. “And that’s what this is, Dr. McCoy: one big game.”

“A game?” Spock repeats, brows furrowing.

“If this is a game, Captain,” Leonard retorts, sarcasm heavy in his voice, “then I expect you think you’re playing to win.”

Jim barks out a laugh. It’s bitter but not, Leonard thinks, directed at Spock or himself.

“Oh, I’m not playing, Bones. I’m being played.” Jim’s mirth vanishes as quickly as it appeared. “Are you done with your questions, gentlemen?”

Heck no! “Now that you mention it—”

Spock interrupts, shifting to draw Jim’s full attention. “Captain, there is still the matter of your release.”

A muscle jumps in Jim’s jaw. “And what is the verdict of my First Officer?” the man asks, tone suppressed to a neutrality that makes Leonard shiver.

“Allow Dr. McCoy to re-run the tests. If they are inconclusive or indicate a need for you to stay in the care of Medical, you will defer to the Doctor’s judgment. Otherwise, he will complete the paperwork to allow for your return to duty without protest.”

“Agreed,” Kirk replies. He looks to Leonard. “You will start those tests now.”

What happened? Leonard thinks. What just happened? We lost him.

There is not much Leonard can do but send Spock out of the room and summon Dr. M’Benga to help him prepare a new round of tests. Jim, for his part, settles quietly on the edge of the room’s only table and stares straight ahead. If Jim’s fingers curl on instinct when Leonard lays a hand upon him, neither of them say a word about the reaction.

An hour later, Leonard gives Kirk a clean bill of health. Jim just shakes his head in silence as Leonard tells him, unhappy, “Congratulations, Captain, you win.”

Once Jim is gone and the rest of the medical staff, including himself, have been tested for traces of the meningitis, Leonard tracks his errant Vulcan to a private corner of the observatory deck and asks, “Why didn’t you fight him?”

“To force his hand would have resulted in further retaliation which could damage the morale of the ship.” Spock pauses before adding, “I feared he would choose to question your competency.”

Which Jim had the right to do as Captain of the starship. It would have required Leonard to temporarily hand over Sickbay to his assistant CMO. Reinstatement is, for any senior officer, a series of trials and tribulations and Command interrogations; in other words, it’s a pain and a loss of time they could ill afford.

Yet Leonard finds himself shaking his head. “Spock, Jim wouldn’t have done that.”

Spock considers him for a long moment. “Are you certain of that, Doctor?”

“No,” he responds miserably. “No, I’m not. I don’t know who Jim is anymore.”

“Leonard…”

Leonard cannot help but draw closer to Spock. It’s a relief to have someone to lean upon.

“I lowered my mental shields enough to brush against his mind. He is the same man we remember, that we have always known,” Spock says, his hand resting against the back of McCoy’s neck.

“There’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

Spock’s exhalation of breath stirs Leonard’s hair. “…But Jim is colored by experiences we do not have.”

“Or remember,” Leonard adds, pulling back slightly to look at Spock. “I think I’m afraid for him, Spock. How do we get to the bottom of this mess?”

Spock lifts his free arm and opens a closed fist. Silently Leonard looks at the thin gold chain cradled in the middle of Spock’s palm; seconds later he tentatively reaches out to touch it.

“I suspect in a relatively short period of time the Captain shall recall he has forgotten to retrieve this.”

“He was wearing it when you brought him in.” Leonard vaguely remembers spotting the chain around Kirk’s neck during the initial examination. He hadn’t focused on it at the time. One of the staff would have removed the chain and set it aside with Jim’s other belongings after they helped him switch into the proper patient’s clothing.

With his thumb and forefinger, Leonard carefully picks up one of the gold bands attached to the chain. “Please tell me I’m not hallucinating this.”

“You are not hallucinating.”

He glances up at Spock, briefly amused. Then that amusement is washed away by a less pleasant emotion. “Jim doesn’t wear jewelry. It’s against regulation.”

“Do you not, upon occasion, wear your paternal grandmother’s ring on your smallest finger?”

Leonard hmphs. “A family heirloom is meant to be showcased, Spock. ‘Sides, I don’t wear it on duty. I’m a surgeon, remember?”

“I am not objecting.”

“Not now,” Leonard grins at him, “but you did once upon a time.” Then he frowns. “Or I think you did.”

“It is of no consequence at this moment,” Spock replies, plucking the ring out of Leonard’s grasp.

“Hey, that’s mine!” the protest comes, unbidden.

Spock raises an eyebrow. “Is this ring yours?”

Leonard blinks at it. “…Yes? Wait, why does Jim have my ring?”

“The correct question would be: why does Jim keep marriage rings on his person, particularly if they do not belong to him?”

The world tilts a little for Leonard.

“Yeah,” he says weakly, “that’s a good question, Spock—a really, really good question.”

Next Part

Related Posts:

• Forget Me Not (10/10) – from April 1, 2013
• Forget Me Not (9/10) – from April 1, 2013
• Forget Me Not (8/10) – from March 18, 2013
• Forget Me Not (7/?) – from March 12, 2013
• Forget Me Not (6/?) – from March 6, 2013