Title: All We Can Offer
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Four moments of gift-giving between Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, and one moment the gift was implied.
A/N: Dedicated to imagine-jim-bones-and-spock for declaring today as a McSpirk day.

#1

On the bridge, the Vulcan turns the bundle over in his hand. “Most interesting,” he decides. “This is a species of Calla palustris—in particular, I believe, Zantedeschia aethiopica, which is commonly referred to as the calla lily.”

His colleagues are watching his reaction with undisguised interest.

“How sweet,” one comments.

“Who’re they from?” another asks.

Seated at her station, Uhura volunteers, “I think Dr. McCoy left them in your chair, sir.”

Spock nods. “Thank you, Lieutenant. Clearly he has forgotten where he placed them.” Heading for the turbolift, he announces, “I shall be in Sickbay.”

The First Officer’s last glimpse at the bridge crew’s faces tell him they consider his declaration to be odd. He does not understand why they would think this.

In the med bay, many of the staff act startled when they spy him with the lilies in hand. Then Spock asks if Doctor McCoy is in his office, and they take to staring, much like the bridge crew had.

Again, this is unusual behavior. Spock goes to the CMO’s office, pondering it.

It is no surprise to him to find his captain already there, as the man is wont to visit McCoy on a frequent basis. Their discussion falters and dies out as Spock enters the office. Like with some of the nurses, Jim’s eyes light up at the sight of the flowers. Doctor McCoy, on the other hand, pales and gives the impression of someone who feels suddenly nervous. Spock finds this to be a fascinating reaction because of its many unknown factors.

Jim steps forward, causing the Vulcan to redirect his attention. “Hello, Spock. What’s that you have?”

“Zantedeschia aethiopica, Captain. I believe they belong to the Doctor.” Spock’s eyes find McCoy’s.

“No!” the man denies in a near-sputter. “They’re… yours.”

Spock is pleased by this declaration. He approaches the desk, gesturing at the tricorder there. “May I?”

The doctor nods.

He picks up the instrument, tuning its function-based scanning methods to suit his needs and uses it to analyze the lilies.

“All right,” Jim remarks somewhat slowly as Spock waves the tricorder over the flowers. “I’ll admit, I am a little confused now.”

Spock sees no reason for confusion. “Zantedeschia aethiopica, or what you refer to as the calla lily, is a rhizomatous herbaceous perennial plant, most common on your Earth in areas with high periodical water tables and sandy soils. As I have read, and as this tricorder confirms, it does contain calcium oxalate, which is toxic to humans. It causes swelling of the lips, tongue, and throat—correct, Doctor?”

The CMO’s face is very flushed. For no discernible reason he bursts out with “They’re flowers, Spock! FLOWERS!”

Jim looks between them then pokes at the side of the bouquet, saying a moment later, “There’s a card.”

The doctor’s face flushes further, and he abruptly faces the back wall.

The captain clears his throat. “Here,” he murmurs, handing a small white envelope to Spock while watching McCoy, “it’s addressed to you.”

Surprised, Spock exchanges the tricorder for the envelope containing the card. He takes a moment to study the paper it is made of, curious as to how long it has been preserved and where it might have been procured. But rather than voicing these questions (he intends to ask them at a later time), he extracts the card. His eyebrows lift as he reads it. Then Spock turns to stare at McCoy.

A flower for a Flower.

How very interesting. What does this cryptic quote mean? Is it from an obscure Earth poem?

Jim is standing at the doctor’s back, one hand on each of the man’s arms. What he is saying to his friend, Spock does not attempt to hear, as it would be improper to eavesdrop on a private conversation.

But he cannot help hearing Leonard declare too loudly, “I only did it because it’s his birthday!”

Jim moves one hand up to the doctor’s shoulder and pats it. “You’re a better man than me, Bones. I didn’t even think of it.”

“Think of what?” Spock asks, startling himself because he said it without prior thought.

When Jim faces the Vulcan, he’s smiling. “Happy birthday, Mr. Spock.”

Spock blinks at him. “Captain, the anniversary of the day of my birth will not occur for four-hundred and twelve days.”

“You mean it’s already passed?” McCoy turns around too, sounding shocked.

“Precisely.”

“But Nurse Chapel said…” The doctor stops speaking without finishing his sentence, mouth pursed, and fixes an intense stare on the floor.

“It seems Nurse Chapel supplied you with incorrect data,” Spock remarks. When he looks at the bouquet, it is with a new realization. “Doctor McCoy, you meant to offer these to me as a gift. I apologize for not recognizing your intention sooner. Thank you… Leonard.”

He is not certain why the human makes the gesture of covering his face with his hand.

“I think a celebration is in order!” Jim decides suddenly.

“No, Jim.”

“Absolutely, Bones. We’ll celebrate Spock’s birthday—even if it’s belated—and your courage.”

McCoy looks aghast. “Jim!”

Again, Spock is intrigued by this undercurrent between Kirk and McCoy which he is not privy to. Therefore it is logical to agree to Jim’s idea in order to gather additional information. “When should I schedule the event, Captain?”

“Oh not an event, Spock,” corrects the man, his cadence turning silky as he comes forward to drape an arm over the Vulcan’s shoulders, “it’s a date.”

“Hm,” Spock says.

“Oh god,” adds the doctor, tanned skin turning a peculiar color.

“Well?” presses Jim.

Spock inclines his head ever-so-slightly and concludes that there is an unspoken proposition here he may as well accept—for science, of course. To the man next to him, he only remarks, “As the Doctor has already provided me with an intriguing gift, I shall expect a similar one from you, sir.”

For a moment, Jim’s eyes grow hooded in a manner which means he believes the statement to be a challenge. Then the man nearly beams, squeezes Spock’s shoulder and promises, “I’ll do my best.”

Satisfied, Spock retrieves his tricorder and begins his study of his flowers all over again.

#2

“Captain, I would like to note that this… action is unnecessary.”

“I am aware you would think so, Commander.”

“Jim…”

“Spock,” Jim interrupts him, his tone hinting at exasperation, “you’ve told me in at least five different ways, however polite, that this plan is going to fail. I get it, I do, but I still have to try anyway.”

Spock stares at the man for a second. “As long as you are aware of the risks, sir.”

Jim presses his mouth flat for a moment then looks rueful. “Yes, thank you, Mr. Spock. I do appreciate your advice in any circumstance.”

The Vulcan continues to stare at him silently for some time.

Jim returns to his project and the preparation of it. After some fumbling, a nicked finger and a few curses, he drops it to the desk in dismay.

“If I may assist you?” Spock offers eventually.

“I’m certain I can do this.”

“Captain… Jim.” The way Spock says the Kirk’s given name is akin to a human sigh. “You will have no more supplies if this attempt does not succeed.”

“But I—oh, all right.” The man takes a step back from the table.

Spock picks up the object and wordlessly studies it for a full minute before reaching out to remove the tape and torn paper. In another minute, he deftly and efficiently packages the object.

Jim stares at the gift in its perfect, crinkle-less wrapping paper. “How—” he starts and stops, furrowing his brows. “How did you manage that?”

Spock places the gift on the desk and places his hands behind his back. “Mathematical calculation.”

“Of course.” Jim looks at him, then. “Thanks, Spock.”

“No need to thank me, Captain. I merely desired to save you time and rigorous effort.”

Kirk’s mouth quirks at one corner. “Are you saying I am a terrible gift-wrapper, Spock?”

“You approached the issue with a commendable determination. However, one should not discount the evidence.” Before Jim can open his mouth to reply to that, Spock indicates the gift and questions, “Is this for Leonard?”

Jim snorts and picks it up. Then, to Spock’s surprise, he forces it back into the Vulcan’s hands and says, “Early Merry Christmas, Spock.”

Spock can only blink.

Jim shakes his head. “If you hadn’t come in here unannounced, I wouldn’t have had to wrap it up so quickly. Ah well.” He sounds more amused than distressed.

“Jim, this… is unexpected. You know I do not require a gift as a reminder of your affection.”

Reaching out, Jim runs a hand down the Vulcan’s arm. “I know that. Just think of it as a human tradition.”

“Then,” surmises Spock, “I should anticipate a Christmas gift from Leonard as well?”

Jim’s fond expression takes on a hint of mischief. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you what Bones bought you.”

Spock raises his eyebrows as if to say do go on.

“It may be a pair of ear muffs—fuzzy green ear muffs.” Jim touches a finger against one of Spock’s pointed ears.

“Jim…” Spock’s voice momentarily falters. “I am not fond of the color green.”

“But he’s going to turn into a gleeful little child when you open your present, Spock.”

“Indeed?”

“Indeed, indeed. Wear them at least once, won’t you?”

Spock concedes, “Very well.” After all, he will think to himself, a short-lived moment of embarrassment seems a small price to pay to please his humans.

Of course, at the time the unfortunate Vulcan does not consider the possibility that ‘short-lived’ actually means captured for all eternity by Jim’s holocam. But he will soon learn.

#3

“When I said I wanted a house with a white picket fence, I didn’t mean that literally.”

James Kirk sticks his hands into his pockets and smiles. “It’s nice, though, right?”

“Jim,” the man next to him huffs, but he doesn’t look as aggravated as his words imply he is. In fact, as he runs his hand along the grain of the wooden fence, his expression is suspiciously touched.

Jim nudges him with an elbow. “C’mon, Bones, tell me I did good.”

“No,” McCoy answers promptly. “Does Spock know?”

“I picked the house. He insisted on the fence since you mentioned it.”

“Why didn’t you tell him it was a metaphor?”

Kirk’s eyes twinkle. “Why would I? What Leonard McCoy wants, Leonard McCoy gets.”

“You… Oh, forget it.” Leonard abandons his inspection of the fence to lock a hand into the front of the man’s shirt. He draws Kirk forward. “You did good, Jim.”

“I know,” Jim replies, removing his hands from his pockets and settling them around Leonard’s waist. “Now will you kiss me?”

“Child,” claims Leonard fondly, and does.

#4

“If I had a dime for every time I gave in to him…”

“You would not be any richer,” Spock finishes. “That form of currency has long since been obsolete.”

Leonard cuts his eyes at the Vulcan. “Why’re you so cheerful anyway? You hate camping as much as I do.”

“Hate is an illogical term,” points out Spock in his placid way.

Leonard huffs and adjusts his heavy jacket. “Well I guess that’s why I hate things so much, ’cause I’m so illogical!”

“Indeed.”

“I really hate you, Spock.”

“Indeed.”

“AND I HATE THAT WORD!”

Spock raises one eyebrow.

Leonard glares at him for half of a second before harrumphing. “Fine,” he sniffs. “I might love you too.”

“Indeed.”

Throwing up his hands in the air, the human stalks away.

As if on cue, Jim pokes his head around the corner of a tent. “Has he gone off to sulk?”

“For the time being.”

Kirk chuckles lowly. “I knew he wasn’t going to approve of another trip to Yosemite.”

“Yet here we are,” the Vulcan states blandly.

“He says it’s my anniversary gift from both of you.” Jim looks at him curiously. “Do you really not enjoy camping, Spock?”

“Our last experience was… memorable.”

“We sang and had marshmellons and—”

“—you fell off a mountain.”

Jim chuckles again. “Yes, there’s that. Don’t worry too much. I’m certain it was a one-time-only event.”

“I do not worry, as I intend to accompany you again on your climb. It is Leonard who worries.”

“I’ll take care of that!” Jim declares with a wink.

Spock’s mouth may have twitched. “Jim, might I suggest that you cannot change him any more than you can influence the evolution of nature for an extended period of time?”

“So Bones is a force of nature?”

“The comparison seems apt.”

“Hey, I heard that!“

Jim clamps a hand to his mouth to prevent the escape of a laugh and, eyes dancing, gestures vigorously at Spock to join him inside the tent.

Spock gives this invitation only a second’s consideration before he accepts it and disappears inside alongside the man.

And it’s quick thinking, too, on their behalf as their third companion—and partner in life—comes stalking across the camp grounds with a bedroll clutched tightly in his arms. He halts just outside of the tent and narrows his eyes.

“What in the world are y’all up to in there? It’s still daylight!”

Jim’s voice calls from within: “Come in and find out!”

“Maybe I will!” Leonard grumps back, but in truth his eyes are brimming with affection and he is smiling.

He makes certain to look fierce, though, when he enters the tent intending to badger his two favorite people in the galaxy about the dangers of the wild.

+1

Jim Kirk was raised to be a sensible man. He was raised to believe that if you planned to make a sacrifice, the reason had to be sound; that what was gained had to be worth much more than what was to be given up. He has always tried to live by that philosophy, though at times he has felt some of his justifications were weaker than they should have been.

It is his kind of thinking, it turns out, that drives his lovers crazy.

Sickbay is his least favorite place to submit to a verbal lashing, but Bones is so riled up it would take an act of a higher power to stop him.

Jim is no higher power. He is a man with a broken arm, a nearly broken head, and soon-to-be broken ear drums.

“—stubborn-headed, irresponsible, reckless fool of a man!”

Jim grimaces and tries to lay a calming hand on Leonard’s arm but it’s hard to do when Leonard is standing on the wrong side of the bed and he’s literally strapped down to prevent further injury to himself.

“Bones,” he says instead, “please.”

Surprisingly, Leonard stops. His chest heaves from the amount of yelling he’s been doing, and perhaps from something else. It’s that something else Jim begins to notice in the man’s eyes.

“Bones,” he repeats again, more softly, apologetically.

“I hate this, Jim,” says his husband. “God, I hate this.”

It almost sounds like he’s saying he hates Jim.

“I had to do it,” Jim explains feebly. “I… Bones, I had to. You know that.” You know me, he doesn’t say.

Leonard turns partially away and closes his eyes. For a long minute, he stays quiet. Then, “I do know, Jim, but I don’t think you truly understand how awful it is for the rest of us. Frankly it’s getting harder to bear. Every time I—Spock and I—almost lose you, we become more afraid.”

Jim draws in a breath when Leonard pauses, waiting for the rest.

But it doesn’t come. The man turns back to him then and it’s his doctor, not his partner. Leonard checks the regenerator encasing his arm then the monitor of the biobed. Jim longs to touch him but feels a distance between them that says he should not.

He wishes fiercely in that moment Spock was with him rather than captaining in his stead on the bridge. Where Leonard might decide to hold his tongue, Spock would tell him what needs to be done to fix the situation. Idly Jim toys with the idea that half of the problem is because he doesn’t know how to fix it on his own.

That keeps him silent, like Bones.

Jim closes his eyes as the pain medication takes effect, knowing even if they cannot talk to each other, Leonard won’t leave his side until he’s forced to. He holds onto that thought with all the faith he has because to Jim it means the way they feel about each other is enough to help them through any misunderstandings or mistakes.

In the end, he’s wrong. So very wrong.

The first time he hears the word ‘separation’, Jim thinks it is a bad joke. Then he realizes no one is laughing at all.

He goes cold all over. “What?”

Leonard’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, gaze fixed somewhere in the vicinity of Jim’s left shoulder. He’s biting into his bottom lip. “It might be the best thing.”

“You…” Jim’s voices falters momentarily. “You want to get divorced?”

“Not divorced, Jim—just take some time apart.”

“Why?” he questions, and in the next breath denies it. “You can’t!”

That is when Leonard meets his eyes.

Jim sees the resignation in them—how had he never noticed that before? how?—and it terrifies him. “Bones. Bones?”

“Jim, I need time. A break. Please.“

“What did I do?” Jim tries to take a hold of him but Leonard slips backwards, out of range. “My god, you can’t tell me you want to end us and not explain why!”

“I tried already but you don’t understand and I can’t seem to get through to you.”

He half-begs, half-demands, “Try one more time!”

Leonard stares at him without speaking until Jim thinks the man is simply going to decide to walk out, explanation be damned.

Bones would truly be out of his life. How could that ever happen? It just doesn’t seem possible. He has always imagined the only way they would give each other up would be to death.

And that’s when Jim recognizes what looms between them, has been all along; what has driven them farther apart than he realized.

“I’m not going to die,” he insists, like the notion is ridiculous.

“That’s an empty promise, Jim. We all die.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

Leonard’s voice burns suddenly, the flatness of his speech giving way to a subject that he feels too strongly about. “Because you don’t care enough when you might die—and that means you don’t care about who’s going to be left behind once you do!”

But Jim shakes his head at this accusation. “I do care. I know it will hurt you both. But I—”

“No,” his husband interrupts him. “Damn you, listen to me for once. I know you have to look out for your people, for this crew and god knows everyone else in the galaxy too, but that doesn’t mean you can just throw yourself away! You have to save yourself!” Leonard steps toward him. “You made a promise to us, remember? When we decided to make this official? You said you didn’t want anything or anyone to keep us apart. Well damn it, Jim, you’re the one who’s doin’ that every time you decide you can take the worst punishment or the last punch!” The man’s eyes are wet now. “Of course I don’t want you to die! But it’s more than that. I—” His words are cut off by the sound of his anguish.

Jim cannot stand to see Leonard this way. He goes to him, to hold him.

“…J-Jim…” Leonard chokes on the name, and shudders.

“Bones.”

Leonard leans into him, giving up in a way without giving in. He rests his head against Jim’s shoulder.

Jim reaches up and touches his hair. “I’m sorry, Bones. I’m sorry. What do you need?”

“I need you to fight to live, Jim, every time. Every single time. No more ‘it’s better if it’s me who goes’. You need to think about us instead and how we won’t make it without you.”

“Bones…”

“I know,” Leonard says, pulling away. “But you gotta do it, Jim. I need you to say you’ll try your best. For us. For what we have, ’cause otherwise it won’t be worth having.”

Jim finds it difficult to speak all of a sudden. He nods instead.

Leonard releases him and steps out of the embrace. “I still want that time.”

Heart sinking, Kirk nods. He manages to say, “And Spock?”

Leonard closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head. “He’s a stubborn loyal bastard. You know he’s not going to leave you.”

“He won’t leave you either.”

“Which is why I’m not actually leaving. I just want you to give me some space, and we’ll both sort ourselves out, okay?”

The man turns for the cabin door.

“Wait!” Jim calls, feeling a spike of fear. “We can fix this, can’t we?”

Leonard doesn’t answer right away. When he does speak, however, he sounds like he is both hopeful and afraid. “I wish I knew. Goodbye, Jim.”

When Leonard is gone, Jim drops to the edge of his bed and sags there. Then he puts his head in his hand and tries not to cry, vowing to give everything he has to make this second chance work out for them.

He cannot bear to imagine what will happen if it doesn’t.

-Fini

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