Title: What We Feel (3/?)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: pre-Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Spock asks Jim and Leonard to consider their future together.
Previous Part: 1 | 2
Or read at AO3

To answer a question, I will clarify the layout of this fic: We will be switching back and forth in time sequence (hence the notation of before… for scenes that have already happened, rather than are happening now). This allows the story to simultaneously expand in two directions – forwards and backwards; we learn how the characters progress while discovering bits and pieces of the past that influences their actions/decisions in the present. I like to think that there are significant moments in everyone’s lives which have shaped who we are and what we want; I hope to convey this for Kirk, Spock, and McCoy.

Part Three

Spock notices slight deviations in the captain’s and the doctor’s usual mannerisms directly following his proposal. They do not retreat as he assumes a person involved in a heavy deliberation might; that is, Jim does not cease tactile contact and Leonard continues to address him with enthusiastic irritability. However, Spock finds it equally strange that Kirk has yet to broach the subject since that night, or that McCoy is apt to silently stare at the Vulcan for an interminable amount of minutes as though Spock is a puzzle to be solved.

Subsequently his evening sessions of meditation do not rejuvenate him as they should. Spock’s mind remains unsettled and, while this is not an unexpected reaction to an unresolved situation, he has always been taught to seek inner peace first and foremost.

Thus late into beta shift, Spock uses his security clearance to place a high-priority call to Vulcan. Luckily, the person who answers the transmission is not Sarek. Spock asks in his native language if his mother is available to accept communication.

The female (who is part of the household staff, Spock recalls, specifically assigned to assist Amanda Grayson, wife of Ambassador Sarek) disappears off-screen. After three point fifty-two minutes of waiting, Spock’s mother hurries into view, exclaiming as she presses a hand to her chest, “Spock! Are you well? What’s wrong?”

“I am hale, Mother.”

She leans closer to the screen as if her action will lessen the physical distance between them. That the woman is worried becomes clear to the Vulcan.

Rather than explaining his matter of urgency (which would not be an acceptable emergency under Starfleet law—a fact he pushes aside) Spock tells her, “I require your input.”

Her eyes widen. “Of course, darling.” She asks, her voice suddenly soft, “Should I call your father—”

“That will be unnecessary,” he responds quickly. “Your insight will suffice.”

She smiles, understanding what Spock will not ask from her outright. “Then please, tell me what is troubling you.”

His nimble mind presents several politic ways to phrase his circumstances, but none seem suitable to say to his mother.

“Spock, I promise to not judge,” she reassures him.

He meets her eyes on the screen and says, “I have certain feelings for James Kirk and Leonard McCoy which are… not platonic.”

He fears irrationally that he has upset her when she covers her mouth with her hand. Then, a moment later, his mother lowers her hand. She is smiling.

“How wonderful, Spock!”

Her blatant approval is startling and also gratifying.

Then Amanda questions, “Both of them?”

Spock fails to understand why it should be unreasonable that he feels equal attachment to two separate individuals. After his initial and lengthy evaluation of this new-found emotion, the Vulcan concluded that it was appropriate to be drawn to both Kirk and McCoy, who each provide a natural balance to some aspect of his persona.

Perhaps this is a purely human response, based in a long, cultural tradition of two-person partnerships; the inquiry, then, becomes understandable.

On Vulcan the practice of life-bonding with multiple partners, while a rare occurrence, is not unprecedented. After all, a Vulcan will seek a mate based on the compatibility of their minds; thus it is not uncommon for a Vulcan to locate several suitable companions. Formal marriage, however, serves the purpose of facilitating bloodlines, validating the kinship of offspring, and establishing ownership of assets. In a House, a young Vulcan may be lightly bonded at a early age to another, chosen by the Elders of the House, in order to ease their union and solidify a successful marriage. Spock was bonded to T’Pring since childhood before she annulled their bond during his first Pon Farr.

Such ceremonies do not always carry into the lower tiers of Vulcan society, and life-bonding often occurs through choice rather than arrangement, as it does between Houses.

Spock’s mother has stated, more than once, that though it is honorable to be of the House of Surak, she would wish for her son the freedom to decide the important matters in his life—such as selecting his mate. Spock begins to comprehend why she holds such strong beliefs.

Amanda is still talking. “You mustn’t deny your heart in this, Spock. As your mother, I forbid it!”

He lifts an eyebrow, allowing her a small triumph with his silence.

“If you seek my approval, you have it. I dare say,” she half-laughs, a remarkable glow illuminating her face, “that you shall surprise your captain and your doctor! If they are smart men, they will realize just how lucky they are.”

It is necessary for Spock to suppress the suffusion of blood to his face. “They are aware of my regard.”

She gives a little gasp of “Oh!” Then, “What did they—” Her eyes darken without warning. “You called me, Spock. You call me so rarely that I was fearful…” The woman’s eyes bore into his. “They’ve hurt you?” she asks too gently.

He attempts to follow her leaps of logic; it is a feat with which he is well-acquainted, having spent ample time sorting through Leonard’s more incoherent statements.

Addressing her last comment is easiest. “I am not injured.”

“Emotionally?”

“Negative.”

That seems to pacify her, her hands relaxing from the tight interlock to which they had been previously subjected.

He continues. “I regret that I do not have more information to provide. Jim, Leonard as well, wishes to consider the matter.” Spock pauses, adds, “Precisely one week, three days, and nineteen point nine hours have passed since my disclosure.”

Her face softens as she considers her son. “It will be alright. When a human is young, perhaps, he is quick to decide about love; but Jim and Leonard are grown men—and with maturity comes caution, Spock. Are you prepared to wait for them?”

“I am.”

Nodding, she reaches out and brushes the screen, a gesture Spock would have once considered illogical. Now he recognizes the sentiment she wishes to express through the gesture.

So he thanks her.

Amanda responds, “I love you, my son. I’ve always believed the future holds something special for you, and it may very well be that you have found it. Them.” Her eyes are bright. “Promise to call me soon?”

He says that he will.

She makes one last remark. “I know you trust these men with your life, so trust them with your heart too. If they break it…” Her smile has a sharp edge that Spock has never seen before. “Well, I shall take care of that!”

Spock blinks, agrees “As you wish” and they end the transmission.

When he settles into the traditional meditation pose, he is pleased to discover that his mind is quick to journey into a deep calm. All will be well, he thinks—and knows these words are true.

~~~
before…

These are not men that Spock recognizes. Their faces, yes, they are the same; but it is their hard words and merciless behavior that alarms the Vulcan. He thinks on his observations as he codes a beaming sequence to return the imposters to their universe.

The First Officer had said, “Captain, shall I initiate the usual parting communication to the Halkan Council?”

Kirk’s eyes were slit. “Did they relinquish their dilithum?”

Spock paused, wondering if the human has suffered a disruption of the brain from transport during an ion storm. “Negative. You informed me that the Federation’s proposal was rejected.”

The human’s sharp bark of laughter was faintly derisive. Spock’s hearing picked up the soft murmur of pathetic aliens…

“I don’t suppose your Federation authorizes genocide, Mr. Spock,” Kirk said, tone not at all playful though his mouth quirked.

Spock didn’t bother to reply, nor did Kirk bother to acknowledge the Vulcan’s presence after that moment. The captain had turned back, eyes heavy-lidded, to stare at the planet filling up the Bridge screen. Spock watched him in turn, then Lieutenant Uhura who was ignoring the station’s dials which were lit with incoming transmissions. The woman was filing her long nails into points with a dainty but razor-edged blade.

Swiftly after that unnerving encounter, word traveled to the Bridge that the Chief Engineer stabbed one of his techs. Spock immediately strode to Sickbay, intent on investigating the allegation, where he found Mr. Scott and Doctor McCoy sharing a glass of Saurian brandy in view of medical staff and patients alike.

“Mr. Scott—”

The Chief Engineer interrupted before the First Officer could begin to demand answers. “Aye, I stabbed the lad.” Mr. Scott told McCoy next, instead of Spock, “In my defense, he was lazy.”

McCoy chuckled into his glass, and Spock shifted his attention to the man he thought he knew. “This is whole damn galaxy is full of fools.”

Scotty agrees. “The way I see, if ye are trained to do a job, ye do it without complainin’—or ye die, and the next mongrel in line gets his turn.”

The doctor hmphed and rolled his eyes toward the silent Vulcan. “What’s the matter with you, Spock?” His name was drawled slowly, like McCoy was testing the sound of it for the first time. “The kid’s just scratched, if that’s why you’re here.”

The Scotsman looked disappointed at that bit of news, and Spock saw McCoy shoot the other man a sharp glance. Mr. Scott turned his back to them to refill his drink.

“Doctor,” Spock said, “hostile action against a fellow officer is a serious offense. I will have to remand Mr. Scott into Security’s custody until trial.”

Glass shattered as the Chief Engineer’s drink hit a wall with vicious force, barely missing a nurse in passing. Mr. Scott spun around, face red. “Ye’ll not be takin’ me anywhere! Why you traitorous—“

Doctor McCoy casually handed his brandy to Chapel, who was now hovering next to Spock, then drew his arm back and smashed his fist into the Scotsman’s face. Spock had McCoy’s arms pinned before the howling engineer hit the ground.

And Leonard laughed.

“He’ll go quietly now.” McCoy’s wintry blue eyes lacked even a shred of humanity, something Spock hadn’t realized he associated with the doctor until that moment; it was as though Leonard McCoy didn’t care. He released the human in what he would later classify as surprise.

The CMO stepped away from Spock. “While you’re about, you green-blooded bastard, tell Kirk to haul his ass down here.” Then McCoy said “Thanks, doll” to Christine as he re-claimed his glass and walked away.

Spock could argue logically these counterparts are disturbing the balance of this universe, and so they must be returned; but the simple truth is that he wants his Kirk and McCoy and not poor imitations.

The transporter accepts the beaming sequence. Spock hears the faint sound of energy humming through the machine as it builds its charge, and he thinks twenty-one minutes and sixteen seconds. The countdown stays with Spock even as he and a team of security escort the false officers to the transporter room.

Until presented with obvious contrasts, Spock has failed to appreciate how inherently good the two humans are—not pure but honest, moral, and compassionate. They could be otherwise, he knows now, and so he is grateful that they are not.

Four minutes and fifty-nine seconds.

As Captain Kirk of the ISS Enterprise is forced onto the transporter platform, he spits, “You’re the same in any universe, Spock. A spineless Vulcan bred from other spineless Vulcans.”

McCoy, in a corner opposite of Kirk, says with genuine meanness, “Half-Vulcan, Captain. Don’t forget his concubine mother.”

Kirk’s mouth finally blooms into a smile; its all shark’s teeth and chilling implications.

One minute and ten seconds.

Spock feels cold as he moves behind the console to activate the transporter. When the bodies of the ruthless Kirk and heartless McCoy disperse into particles, he finds that he cares not where they end up.

Footnotes:
1. T’Pring: from the episode Amok Time; Spock’s fiance since the age of seven.
2. Second scene is a fictional extension of the episode Mirror, Mirror.

Next Part

Related Posts:

• What We Feel (12/12) – from April 2, 2011
• What We Feel (11/12) – from April 2, 2011
• What We Feel (10/12) – from March 28, 2011
• What We Feel (9/?) – from March 26, 2011
• What We Feel (8/?) – from March 23, 2011