Title: Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (1/4)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Leonard is determined to help his friend out in the matters of love, except he does not realize he might be part of that matter in some way.
A/N: If you think I ever tire of figuring out how mcspirk happens, you would be wrong.

In Leonard’s experience, it is easy to fall in love and easier yet to fall out of love. He has done it many times, meeting someone he thinks would be ‘the one’ (which typically ended with disastrous results). Since he is the common factor in those failed relationships, he figures he is to blame. He tells himself sternly, no more failures, Leonard; that means no more relationships.

It means no more falling in love.

Leonard is confident that he can keep his promise until, of all things, he meets Jim.

Jim Kirk is a funny man; brash, too, and awkward sometimes. He is more than a little careless when he should be careful and careful when everyone else decides to be carefree. In short, Leonard considers him a conundrum.

One day the conundrum says, “Where are we going, Bones?”

Leonard, who has long since given up minding that awful nickname, has no idea what his friend means.

“Our lives,” Jim amends from where he is hanging upside down off the end of the couch, the tips of his hair ghosting the floor. “Where do you think our lives are headed?”

“Space,” replies Leonard, and that word sets him to grousing. “Into the deadliest frontier Man has encountered, and what’s our wanderlust going to buy us? Death, Jim—death!”

“I see that your glass is always half-empty,” his friend decides, amused. Jim then turns right-side up and runs his fingers through his hair. “I meant what’s waiting in our future, Bones?” At Leonard’s flat look, the man rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay, death. I get that. Surprise! Everybody dies. But I want to know what will happen before that part.” The look he gives Leonard is very strange. “Do you think we’ll still be together?”

Leonard contemplates the question, though it seems to him that together is a loose and admittedly odd turn of phrase for Jim to use. “Well, if you aren’t tossed out on your ass within the first month of shipside service and I somehow safely make it onto a ship, we’ll probably meet again in the years to come. So yeah… I would definitely think so.”

I would hope so, kid, because I like you a lot. Strange, that he wants to keep that particular thought to himself.

Jim lowers his body from the couch to the floor and scoots closer to the coffee table at which Leonard has stationed himself for the duration of a long study session. “There’s a way to be certain. I could make you chief medical officer of my starship.”

Leonard can’t help but snort. “Your starship, Jim? Pray tell… just how quickly are you going to get one of those? A decade from now? Two decades?”

Jim bends a knee and props his chin on it, his reply good-natured. “Go ahead, laugh at a man’s dreams. But you’ll see.”

Leonard decides there isn’t a point in arguing. In a way, he realizes as he forces his attention back to the medical text on his data padd, he wants Jim’s ambitions to see fruition.

Why he wants that is something he will ponder later.

That ‘later’, of course, is the moment Leonard McCoy discovers the motivation behind his thinking and accepts what cannot be denied with both a smile and a curse.

His falling in love with Jim has begun quietly.

The problem with loving somebody and actively deciding to do nothing about it is that it fills you with regret in the end. Leonard learns this by watching Jim take a liking to someone else. That liking inevitably blossoms into something stronger.

Worse yet, the one whom Jim likes is completely oblivious to said interest.

Leonard has to do something about this. He knows Jim is not someone who finds it easy to love (as Leonard does), and so Leonard cannot bear to watch that love encounter rejection.

But how to approach a subject like that with a Vulcan?

Leonard racks his brain over a solution for days. He takes to following Spock around so he can study Spock’s behavior outside of their normal bickering. He even plants himself just within range of that stupidly oversized personal space bubble of the Vulcan’s during their mutual lunch hour in order to lure Spock into an innocuous conversation about the Vulcan perspective on dating among officers. “After all,” he points out, “you’ve done it yourself.“

Spock makes no mention of Leonard’s sudden, unusual need to be near his person or the odd topic of conversation.

But Leonard’s friends certainly do.

“Are you in love with Spock?” Christine asks him point-blank one day. “I see,” she hmms a moment later, as if Leonard choking on his coffee is an answer, and walks away.

At the start of one alpha shift, the Chief Communications Officer enters the turbolift Leonard is already occupying and remarks too casually, “I could give you some tips.”

Leonard, who isn’t a morning person by any means and is fighting off the last of his sleepiness, looks at her through bleary eyes. “Huh?”

“Tips on Spock,” she clarifies.

Now Leonard is really lost. “I’m not sure I understand you, Nyota.”

“Leonard, you’re not being very subtle about your interest in him.”

His face heats up of its own accord. “What? You’ve got it wrong! I don’t like him any better than I did a year ago.”

Nyota’s expression is full of pity; her rebuff of I know a lie when I hear one, unspoken. The remainder of the ride to Sickbay is uncomfortable for Leonard as he tries to change the subject, and she stays stubbornly silent.

Despite these incidents, Leonard does not realize he may be causing a stir among the more observant crew members until Jim haltingly starts to question Leonard’s interest in Spock. They are part of the way through the main course of their weekly shared dinner, and it’s an unwelcome turn to an otherwise amiable conversation.

“He’s… interesting… isn’t he, Bones? Have you, um, been successful?”

This time Leonard places his drink aside to avoid choking and pretends he is not imagining himself sinking through the floor. It is a small boon, though, that Jim doesn’t look entirely certain of the matter as Chapel and Uhura had. In fact, Jim’s expression hints that he may not be okay with knowing the details he asked for.

Leonard does his best to salvage the situation by mentioning a prospective joint project between Medical and Science which he hopes will prompt Jim to conclude the interest in Spock is professional and not out of the ordinary. The last thing he wants is Jim to feel discouraged or betrayed.

Yet Leonard finds he can’t speak the truth either. Not even a simple “I know how you feel about him, kid, and I’ll help you. I promise.”

They end the meal with an awkward tension between them that clearly neither of them likes. Leonard decides then there is no best way to approach Spock. He just has to do it.

If, during the next work-shift, Spock is at all surprised to find the CMO hesitating in his office doorway, he does not show it. Instead he bids Leonard enter in a calm, collected and slightly curious manner.

Leonard fidgets just once under Spock’s dark-eyed gaze before bursting out with “We gotta talk.”

“I believe you are talking and I am responding, Dr. McCoy.”

Any apprehension Leonard has melts into annoyance. “This isn’t a time for your smart mouth, Spock! I have something important to say.”

Something flashes through the Vulcan’s eyes, an emotion of Spock’s as elusive as his normally are.

For some reason, not knowing what Spock might be thinking encourages Leonard to relax. His expression clears a little and he continues. “I guess you’ve noticed I have been… around you more lately. Now, don’t misunderstand that,” the man adds quickly, “because I have a legitimate reason!”

Spock is poised, not tensely, just naturally still. “And the reason is?”

“Jim,” Leonard answers.

The Vulcan blinks. “The Captain?”

“Indubitably. In case you haven’t noticed, Jim’s taken a liking to you. A real strong liking,” Leonard stresses. “Since I’m his best friend, it’s my job to make sure you don’t botch that up.”

Spock doesn’t just blink this time. Both his eyebrows move towards his hairline.

Leonard steps closer to the desk separating them and leans forward. “Also, as the best friend, I’m entitled to give you a friendly warning.” He pauses, holding Spock’s gaze. “Don’t break his heart. Ever.“

Feeling satisfied that his message has been successfully delivered, Leonard pulls back and waits patiently for a reply.

Which Spock does give by steepling his fingers a moment later as he mutters, “Most interesting.”

Leonard, having expected a different reaction, folds his arms across his chest. “Okay, I’ll bite. What’s so interesting?”

“Why do you assume I am unaware of the Captain’s affection?”

Leonard opens and closes his mouth.

“I have known of it for some time,” Spock goes on to say, “as I also know that his affection is not merely aimed at myself. Jim is attracted to you also, Leonard. More importantly, he has yet to settle his conflicting interests. Because of this, it seemed prudent to delay any action.” Spock levels an unreadable stare at him. “Is it truly your wish for me to pursue Jim with no regard for your feelings or his?”

Leonard decides it isn’t the floor which is unsteady, just him. He seeks out a chair and sits down. “Give me a second here,” he says to Spock when Spock starts to speak again. “I’m still processing the fact that you aren’t an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand.”

One of Spock’s eyebrows twitch. “I am a Vulcan.”

“That’s what I said.”

Spock stares at him for a few seconds longer, then turns away to face his computer console. He goes back to whatever work he had been involved in before Leonard’s unscheduled arrival.

Leonard takes the time to center himself and gather his thoughts. He thinks Spock is mistaken about a few things, but unfortunately he is not mistaken about the part where he implied he knows Leonard is in love with Jim. How in the hell had Spock figured that out?

Leonard has the sudden frightening thought that he is obvious about it.

Oh god, who else knows?

“If you intend to panic, please do so elsewhere.”

Because the statement is so matter-of-fact, it succeeds in snapping Leonard out of his (yes, admittedly panicky) thoughts.

“Spock, you, you—!” he starts, his voice rising.

Spock ceases to type and faces his visitor.

“Oh, never mind,” Leonard grumps. “One of these days I’ll think of a good term for you.”

“Jim has referred to me as ‘Pointy’ on occasion.”

“Well, I won’t deny that you can be a pointy-eared bastard but I’ll come up with my own insult, thanks.”

Spock folds his hands on the table. If Leonard didn’t know better, he would think the quirk of Spock’s eyebrow means he is looking forward to the kind of slur Leonard comes up with.

Weird, Leonard surmises, and places that thought aside.

“Are you ready to discuss the matter?” the Vulcan inquires in a polite tone.

“There’s not much to discuss. The reason I’m here still stands.”

“I see.”

“I hope you do, Spock,” says Leonard. “It’s not the easiest thing, telling you to take a chance with Jim.”

“I find it unsurprising that you place more importance upon Jim’s feelings than your own.”

“…Thank you?”

Spock’s head tilts ever-so-slightly. “I was not complimenting you, Leonard.”

“Okay, that,” Leonard says sharply, pointing his index finger at Spock. “Leonard. Jim. What happened to Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk?”

“This is a personal conversation. Therefore I am using your given name. Does it make you uncomfortable when I call you Leonard?”

“Sort of. Just…” Leonard flexes his hands on the arms of the chair. “Keep it private. I don’t know why, but it will be very distracting if you start addressing me that way in the corridors. In fact, it will probably distract a lot of people.”

Spock inclines his head in agreement.

Leonard feels the need to clear his throat and does so. “…Well, then. Are you going to keep Jim waiting or what?”

“I will think on it.”

Why isn’t it an easy yes or no? “If you have reservations, you can tell me. I could help.”

“I would not say I have reservations, simply options which I must consider. Forgive me for saying so, but I do not believe you are ready to hear them yet.”

Knowing this is the best concession he will receive from Spock, Leonard nods his understanding and stands up.

“Leonard,” Spock calls to the doctor as he reaches the door, “if you truly intend for Jim to find happiness, I would suggest you do not exclude yourself as a potential partner for him.”

Leonard frowns, trying to sort through the layers of that message but unable to do so. He almost asks, But how would that work? and instead settles for shaking his head. He raises his hand in goodbye. “See you later, Spock.”

The Vulcan nods once and turns away.

Next Part

Related Posts:

• Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (4/4) – from April 23, 2014
• Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (3/4) – from April 21, 2014
• Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (2/4) – from April 14, 2014