Title: Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (4/4)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Leonard is determined to help his friend out in the matters of love, only he does not realize he might be part of that matter in some way.
Previous Parts: 1 | 2 | 3

There is no surprise at all when the humans Leonard McCoy and Jim Kirk arrive at the same door at the same time and confront one another.

Jim, visibly trying to control his temper, says in a terse voice, “Did you get it?”

“Wish I hadn’t,” replies Leonard. “What do we do?”

Jim turns to face the door and, saying nothing else, keys a passcode to admit them into the First Officer’s quarters.

The air is cool inside the cabin, Leonard discovers. Cool enough that Spock had either known they would come right away or had been tracking their movements throughout the ship.

The Vulcan in question is waiting for them at a small round table commonly found in most senior officers’ quarters.

“Gentlemen,” they are greeted. “Would you like to have a seat?”

Why are you sitting? Leonard wants to know. He’s rarely seen Spock stay seated during a confrontation.

Then maybe, just maybe, Spock truly does want to leave them.

That thought spurs Leonard to demand, “What’s this about, Spock?”

Spock raises an eyebrow. “Doctor? Did you not read my missive?”

“We read it,” Jim answers in Leonard’s stead. “Is this some kind of joke, Commander?”

“I assure you, sir, Vulcans do not tell jokes.”

Jim breathes deeply, clenching a hand into a fist before abruptly letting his fingers relax. “I need reasons, Mr. Spock. And they had better be good reasons.”

“Very well. It has become evident that we cannot function properly as a command team.”

Leonard is startled to hear that.

“Captain, I believe that you are attempting to separate our work relations from our personal relations. Though I do not know why, that is your choice to make and I will not gainsay it. However, should one aspect of our relationship suffer, so will the other. My request for transfer is pre-emptive, I admit, but based on the assessment that we place this ship and her crew at risk when we are at odds. You must work with someone you can comfortably relate to, Jim.”

Next to Leonard, Jim swallows. “That’s… understandable.”

Not to Leonard. “Wait a minute! Spock, I heard what you just said, but it makes no sense.”

“Bones.”

“You can’t just leave because Jim’s being an idiot!”

“Bones.“

“No, I was copied on that form too. I won’t be quiet. And if there’s ever a time when Spock’s logic is riddled with holes…”

“It’s fine, Dr. McCoy,” Jim insists mulishly in his Captain’s voice. He says to Spock, “If you want to transfer off-ship, then I acc—mmphhfffff!“

Leonard, having slapped a hand over Jim’s mouth, puts the fool into a headlock to contain him and offers apologetically to the Vulcan across the room, “Don’t mind my stupider half, Spock, you know how he gets when he’s upset.”

Jim stomps his feet and pries at the hand over his mouth but to no avail. The doctor tightens the headlock just enough that the sounds of outrage turn into muffled squawks.

“What he means to say,” Leonard goes on to explain, “is this ship can’t function without you. We’ll do whatever it takes to change your mind.”

Spock leans back in his chair and steeples his fingers. “I see. I am amendable to a persuasive argument.” He lifts his eyebrows slightly. “Perhaps you should release the Captain now. He appears to be turning an unnatural color.”

Leonard lets go of Jim immediately. Jim staggers to the side, gasping and spitting. With a roll of his eyes, Leonard sidles up to the man and smacks him on the back several times to encourage him to breathe.

“S-S-SONOFABITCH!” sputters Kirk.

“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen.”

Jim twists his head to the side to glare at his friend. “You want to talk about dramatic… what the fuck was that!”

“I was stopping you from making a big mistake!”

“It’s not a mistake if Spock wants out!”

“He doesn’t want to leave, you gizzard-brain! He wants us to figure out our shit!”

Spock pauses in watching the exchange to add, “That would be correct, although I am not certain how a vulgar turn of phrase best expresses the sentiment.”

Leonard huffs exasperatedly in the Vulcan’s direction. “Spock, would you please hold off with the Peanut Gallery while I’m fighting with my captain?”

“If that’s the way we’re handling this,” Jim says, straightening up, “then as your captain I order you to stand down.” He rubs at his collarbone. “Also, I’m demoting you to janitorial duty for violence against my person.”

“Shut it, kid. Right now you have about as much authority as my boot—which, might I add, is about to become a permanent part of your ass! Are you out of your mind? It’s one thing to ignore us, but it’s another to tell us to get the hell off your ship!”

“I never said that!”

Leonard steps toward Kirk. “You were close to it, Jim.”

Jim closes his mouth against whatever else he might have said.

Leonard looks Jim over, questioning, “Is that what you really want? To let Spock walk away from this?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Oh, I do. I really do. I understand that you’re willing to take the coward’s way out to save yourself from facing your feelings.”

Jim jerks forward, as if to physically obliterate those words. Spock catches himself in the act of rising from his chair and, after a heartbeat or two, obviously forces himself to sit down again.

When Leonard doesn’t express regret for what he said, Jim’s mouth thins into an unhappy line. “You’re wrong, I’m not afraid.”

“Then what’s going on?” Leonard asks him. “Is it that horrible to like somebody?”

“Bones.”

“Don’t ‘Bones’ me. We’re past the point of no return here! I want the truth—and clearly you owe it to Spock too, since he’s mixed up enough that he thinks he has to transfer off the ship in order to placate you.”

Jim takes a step back and turns slightly in Spock’s direction. For a long moment, the two men simply stare at one another.

“Do I even need to tell you, Spock?” Jim remarks at last. “You are usually more perceptive than we give you credit for, so I don’t doubt that you’ve noticed what’s happening here. The question is… does Bones know?”

Leonard blinks. “Know what?”

“I have alluded to it on multiple occasions.”

Jim shakes his head. “That’s not good enough, Spock. You have to—here, I’ll show you.” He returns to McCoy and places his hands on either side of Leonard’s neck, then meets his eyes. “Bones…”

Leonard is a little too distracted by the warmth of Jim’s hands to reply.

“Bones,” Jim says his name again, “Spock likes you.”

“Spock likes… say what?“

For a fleeting instant, there’s a measure of the old Jim in Leonard’s friend’s eyes. His voice is fond when he asks mildly, “Surprised?”

Leonard removes Jim’s hands and holds them up between them. Then he twists around to look at Spock. “Is he serious?”

“Whether he is serious or not is irrelevant, Leonard. Jim speaks the truth.”

“But, I don’t… Wait.” Leonard suddenly tosses Jim’s hands back at Jim and turns to fully face the Vulcan. “You didn’t say anything, you stupid hobgoblin! I just spent weeks bemoaning fate and going on and on about Jim, and you—”

Jim shuffles forward with “What about me?”

“—let me do that when you’re in love with me? My god, man, are you some kind of masochist!”

“Whoa, what about me, Bones?”

“Hush, Jim,” Leonard hisses, “you’ll get your turn! Well, Spock?”

Spock considers the seething human in silence for some seconds before standing up and clasping his hands behind his back. “Leonard, why do you believe you have the right to question my actions when—”

Kirk’s eyes widen in warning.

“—your actions are the same? That is very hypocritical of you.”

Leonard hears only distantly the air leaving Jim’s lungs in a whoosh because there is a loud buzzing in his ears. Or maybe that’s the sound of him imitating a boiling tea kettle. Someone grabs his arms to stall his forward momentum.

That, that— “—POINTY-EARED—!”

“Bones, hey, let’s not do something rash.”

“—SMART-MOUTHED—!”

Leonard tries to shake Jim off and, when he can’t, starts in Spock’s direction anyway. Jim swings in front of him and attempts to dig in his heels. Leonard feels no remorse in plowing over the man.

“SPOCK!” the name bursts out of him. “I’ll show you who’s a hypocrite!“

Spock doesn’t seem the least bit intimidated by the show of temper. In fact, the Vulcan closes the distance between them in order to stare Leonard down.

“Do not fault me for speaking the truth, Doctor. More than once I indicated a reasonable course of action, which you ignored. There was no madness in my suggestion, only logic. Knowing of your feelings, and his, I encouraged you to pursue him because there would be benefit to us both.”

“How was I supposed to know that!”

“By trusting my judgment.”

Leonard presses his lips together.

“Bones, I don’t know much about what occurred between you two but it sounds like Spock had good intentions so ease up a little. And, Spock… I hate to say this, but humans don’t always think like Vulcans.”

“Obviously, Captain.”

“Careful,” Jim warns him. “I seem like a neutral party now. It might not be that way later.”

Spock nods in acknowledgement of this fact. To Leonard, he says, “I do not want to argue with you over the past. I simply want you to focus on the present and, I hope, our future.”

“Get to your point already, Spock.”

“Do you consider me as a potential partner?”

Leonard is afraid that he flinched when Spock asked that question. He tries to be diplomatic. “I… don’t like you that way.”

Spock stares at him, the look in his eyes reflecting the rebuff is that so?

Leonard crosses his arms and says more firmly, “I really don’t like you that way, Spock.”

“Prove it to me.”

As Spock raises his hand, Leonard moves back, his voice sharp and questioning. “What’re you doing?”

“Your mouth may say one thing, yet your mind may know better. If you wish to convince me of the truth of your statement, then you must allow me access to that part of you which will not lie.”

He gives Spock a fierce glare. “The last thing I’m going to do is let you rummage through my head!”

“Very well,” the Vulcan concedes too easily and, before Leonard can figure out what else he’s up to, Spock takes Leonard’s hand and presses their palms and fingertips together.

Leonard feels something like a shock at the touch and flushes. “What’re you doing?” he asks again.

“In this way I cannot read your thoughts but I can sense your emotions. Please repeat your prior statement.”

Oh no. That’s a trick, Leonard is sure of it! “I, uh,” he starts to say, then falters. “Damn it, Spock. I really don’t like you!”

“I see,” murmurs the Vulcan. “However I will have to discard that sentiment as flimsy, as there is not a sufficient amount of negativity attached to it.”

Leonard’s face heats up. “Are you callin’ me a liar?”

“Hm,” Spock only says, tilting in his head in a way that means he is otherwise preoccupied.

Leonard takes a breath, then another. “Fine,” he admits, “I might like you a little! But it’s only affection, which is not love! It’s brotherly affection.”

Jim pipes up, “Like affection you have for annoying family members?”

“Shut up, you’re not helping!”

Leonard thinks about removing his hand from Spock’s. He knows he should, but there’s that little thrill at the skin-against-skin and—Oh, dear Lord, he realizes. It isn’t affection he is broadcasting. It’s attraction!

Leonard has never been more embarrassed in his life. He jerks his hand back, clears his throat, and tries not to squeak too much when he insists, “Desire isn’t love either!”

Spock regards him solemnly. “It is true that, being Vulcan, I am not driven to dwell on matters of the heart. But I am not inexperienced. May I share with you what I have learned from my past relationship with Nyota?”

Leonard nods.

“Love is not constituted by a singular emotion. It is a sum of feelings which define how you care for a person: affection, concern, attraction, appreciation, sometimes exasperation and even anger. Love is also not static. The nature of it can change. I agree that desire is not love. Can it lead to love? Not by itself. Leonard, ask yourself this: what is different between that which you feel for Jim and that which you currently feel for me? It does not sound as if the difference is negligible, but I would request that you consider if there is the potential for a positive change.”

Leonard thinks this may be the first time he has truly been floored. Spock is asking him, in a very Vulcan way, if they could try. Has he ever been in a relationship which he didn’t jump into based on the assumption he was madly in love? How would it work? Certainly he has learned to be cautious from his failures in the past, but this is agreeing to take on risk in a very different way. Spock’s heart would be at stake more than his own.

He… almost wants to do it.

His eyes automatically seek Jim’s.

Jim is slightly turned away, as if to give them a measure of privacy but also as if he can’t quite remove himself from the conversation. Perhaps sensing that Leonard needs him, Jim glances his way. The smile he offers is supportive and a little self-deprecating.

“What about Jim?” Leonard finds himself saying.

“Ah, yes,” Spock says, and turns toward their other companion. “Would you consider the possibility also?”

Jim blinks at Spock. “Huh?”

Spock locks his hands behind his back. “These are not separate offers, of course. If Leonard accepted and you did not, there would be no value in proceeding. If you accepted and Leonard did not, again there would be no value in proceeding.”

“What?” Leonard does squeak this time. “You can’t date us both!”

Spock transfers his gaze back to Leonard. “Would it not be satisfactory if the relationship included the man with whom you can admit you are in love?”

Leonard backs up, sputtering to have his long-held secret come from Spock’s mouth, at the same time Jim comes forward. A hand closes on Leonard’s arm.

“Bones,” Jim says, tone suddenly urgent, “what’s he talking about?”

Goddamn it!

And hell if Spock doesn’t look smug!

Leonard pats Jim’s hand in a poor attempt to seem unconcerned. “It’s nothing really. Your Vulcan’s confused.”

“Apparently he’s your Vulcan too!” Jim says somewhat sharply. “Never mind that. Are you really attracted—I mean,” and here the man starts to sound flustered, “okay, so you might be attracted to me. I get that. I am Jim Kirk after all!” He laughs, and Leonard just looks at him like he’s crazy.

“Jim.”

Spock lends his voice to Leonard’s. “Jim, please desist.”

Jim quiets, his expression switching to unease.

“Jim,” Leonard murmurs the name again, covering the hand on his arm without hesitation this time, “I think you’re the one confusing us. I sort of, well, I sorta stirred this whole pot because I thought you had feelings for Spock.”

“He does,” confirms Spock.

How odd, that the more they talk, the more Jim subconsciously tries to shut them out.

Leonard presses on. “‘N I get that we’ve muddied things up with Spock liking us both and me sorta liking him—”

“Why thank you, Leonard.”

“Hush up, you pointy-eared nuisance! Don’t interrupt me! …But I honestly believe the two of you should not leave this room until you’re, for lack of a better term, together.”

Jim pins his gaze somewhere over Leonard’s shoulder. “Why would you want me to take him from you, Bones? Do you think that I could?”

Leonard shakes the man’s arm, frustrated. “Jimmy, it’s what’s best for you!”

“I can’t,” insists his friend. “There’s no point anyway. It wouldn’t help, when I—” He swallows hard and falls silent.

Spock unclasps his hands and reaches out to rest one of them on top of Leonard’s, whose hand is still on Jim’s. “Jim,” he requests, voice understanding, “please allow me to finish your sentence.”

Their eyes meet, Jim’s wide and Spock’s determined. Like always, they are having a conversation on a different level, one that doesn’t need words because they simply know each other that well.

Leonard, with his hand trapped between theirs, cannot move away. Then again, there’s this part of him that does not want to; what it wants more than anything is to join them.

“Okay,” Jim whispers at last, the word so soft Leonard almost doesn’t hear it. “Okay, Spock.”

Spock turns his head to stare at Leonard. “It would not help when half of Jim’s heart belongs to you. He would love me no less than he does now but he would still feel your absence.”

“Oh,” Leonard says. Then, “Oh.” Then, as Jim’s behavior finally makes complete sense, “Oh my god!” He looks to Jim, demanding, “Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Like hell, Bones! At what point were you going to admit your feelings for me?“

“Clearly I was trying to figure out how I could possibly fall in love with an ignorant Dodo like you! I mean, it’s already a full-time job being your friend and your physician. How the hell am I going to have the energy to be your lover?”

“Hey,” argues Jim, “being with me is not a chore, Bones, it’s a privilege!”

Leonard snorts.

“I would like to interject…”

“NO,” the humans cut off the Vulcan.

Spock removes his hand, looks between them, then puts his back to them, returning to the table.

“Now look at what you’ve done, Jim! You’ve hurt his feelings!”

“That was all you, with the ‘maybe I like you’, ‘maybe I don’t’ bullshit. That’s cruel, Bones!”

“Well excuse me for having to think for a second, Mr. Fly-By-The-Seat-Of-My-Pants! Spock and I usually try to bite each other’s heads off, not exchange love sonnets.”

“You’ve been getting along for weeks now,” Jim replies. “Everybody’s noticed.”

“Everybody,” Leonard starts to repeat then stops, closing his mouth. He considers Jim for a second before asking, “Are you jealous?” Despite the way Jim rolls his eyes, Leonard presses, “You are, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

Pivoting in a sudden motion, Leonard goes to the table and takes a seat beside Spock. Jim follows him somewhat reluctantly.

“Hey, Spock, let me ask you something.”

Spock inclines his head toward Leonard as tacit permission to continue.

“Knowing that I might have kept Jim for myself, did you feel jealous?”

“Negative.”

“Why not?”

“Bones.”

“Why not?” Leonard urges Spock to answer, ignoring Jim.

“While it was possible, you are known to promote fairness among competitors. If you had chosen to let Jim know you desired him, you would have also urged him to acknowledge my desire as well.”

“See,” Leonard says, turning back to Jim, “he gets it. Fair play, Jim. Fighting for what you want is not wrong as long as you play fair. So why waste time on jealousy?”

“What can I say, Bones? I’m petty that way.”

Sighing, Leonard reaches up and pulls Jim into the last chair. “I wish you would have talked to me about this, kid.”

“What would you have told me?”

The question sounds sincere. Leonard leans back to think about it. “Well, I wouldn’t have left it up to Spock to wrangle us together. Do you know how embarrassed I am? I’m the one with the degree in psychology!”

Jim smiles only a little but the smile is genuine. “Vulcans are awesome.”

“Vulcans are annoying. Just look at his face. Obviously he thinks he has done good by yet again correcting some illogical humans.”

“You have been acting quite illogically, Doctor.”

“You can stop being smug any time now, Mister Spock.”

Jim slumps in his seat as if hearing their banter lifts a weight from his shoulders. His smile grows.

Leonard rallies himself (he really can get distracted by staring at Jim) and decides that there isn’t any point in turning back now. “I’m just an old country doctor, so lemme see if I’ve got all these confusing revelations straight… Jim, you like Spock and you like me. Spock, you like Jim ‘n me. I like Jim and…”

Under the table, Jim’s foot knocks into his.

“…and I guess I’m gonna like Spock just as good, though don’t hang your hat on that, you hobgoblin,” he finishes.

“Are you fond of that insult, Doctor?” Spock wants to know.

Leonard frowns at him. “What d’you mean?”

“Twice you have referred to me as a ‘hobgoblin’. Will this be the defining derogatory remark by which you now refer to me? You did mention that you wished to have one.”

“Weird,” Jim mutters, glancing between them. “Feels like I’ve heard that before.” Then he says to Leonard, “Hobgoblin’s a good one, Bones. I’d keep it.”

“I don’t need your advice on how to insult people, Jim.”

“Spock seems to like it,” Jim adds.

Leonard firms up his mouth, determined to say no more. These idiots keep mucking up his words!

“Leonard does not appear to be pleased.”

“If you’re going to date him, then you’ll have to get used to that expression,” Spock is told.

“Hey!”

“Understood,” the Vulcan replies. “Should I seek your aid if he is behaving in an undesirable manner and I cannot placate him?”

“I promise I’ll run interference—if, that is,” hesitates the man, “you truly are okay with both of us?”

Spock murmurs, “Have I not made that clear?”

All-at-once, Jim fully relaxes and grins. “I can’t believe this,” he says, but in truth he sounds like he does finally believe it.

Leonard is relieved.

“Bones,” his friend insists, “you have to be honest with me, because I can’t handle another round of this tonight. Are you okay with this too?”

The decision, Leonard finds, is surprisingly easy: “Yeah.”

“Excellent,” declares Spock, once again steepling his fingers. “Now we can discuss sleeping arrangements.”

Jim and Leonard can only stare at their calm-faced companion. Then Jim groans, and Leonard feels completely justified in fussing, “You sneaky-ass Vulcan—what else have you already planned out?”

“Dr. McCoy, surely you do not expect a Vulcan to engage in emotion-based relations without a detailed agenda.” As one human starts to chuckle and the other sputters, Spock looks between them and blinks. “The list is available if either of you require a copy in advance.”

Jim keeps chuckling until Leonard drags him out of his chair, at which point acting like dignified Starfleet officers is far beyond anyone’s capacity. Then Leonard realizes once he has Jim pinned that as the newly minted boyfriend he has the right to kiss the man.

Somehow, he is not at all surprised when Jim kisses him first.

Epilogue

“Bones,” Jim Kirk begins, dropping down to the edge of the bed beside Leonard McCoy who is putting on a boot, “do you know what Spock just said to his father?”

“Is that time already?”

“He said, ‘My humans are well‘ and thanked him for inquiring!”

Leonard huffs out a tolerant sigh and dons his second boot. “You realize he’s the alpha in this relationship, don’t you, Jim-boy?”

For a second, Jim looks like he might argue but inevitably gives in with a shake of his head. “At least I’m the charming one.”

“Hey, I’m charming!”

“Yeah, as a rattlesnake. Do you know yesterday morning you almost bit me when I tried to get you out of bed?”

“Jim, by god, the last thing I want is to be up before the sun on my own damn shore leave.”

“It was almost noon.”

“Pfft,” remarks McCoy, pushing off the bed.

Jim grabs the back of Leonard’s shirt to keep him from going far. “Wait a second, we haven’t talked about the—you know—’Plan’.” He finger-quotes the word.

“Spock doesn’t want a surprise.”

“Spock will love a surprise. After all, tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of him getting us all together. I know that because he marked it on his calendar, and then marked it on my calendar—”

“And mine,” Leonard adds, the corners of his mouth softening.

“So,” Jim urges, “what are we going to do?”

Leonard looks around their shore leave cabin, at the various artifacts and some of their personal items. “What can we do that will matter?”

“That’s not hard,” his partner answers. “Make a memory.”

“Yeah but how?”

Jim stares up at him for a long minute before slowly rising to his feet. He goes to the other side of the bed and digs around. When he returns, he offers Leonard a small box with a somewhat sheepish expression.

“Don’t ask why I have this… just, take a look, and tell me what you think.”

Leonard opens the box. At first he honestly doesn’t know what to say. He touches a finger to one of the white-gold bands.

“Marriage rings,” he finally asks, “or commitment rings?”

“Whichever.” Jim gives Leonard a half-smile. “I’ll take what I can get.”

Snapping the box closed, Leonard places it back into Jim’s hands. Their eyes lock. Spock’s voice filters in from another room, lending a gentle undercurrent to their silence.

Leonard leans in and kisses Jim on the mouth. When he pulls back, he remarks, “Ten credits says that Spock already has rings plus a booked venue and a prepared guest list for the bonding ceremony.”

“No deal, Bones.” Jim grins at him. “I don’t bet on a sure thing!”

Leonard flicks him on the forehead, calling him “Fool.”

“Old man.”

“Infant.”

And the name-calling continues on.

The End

Related Posts:

• Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (3/4) – from April 21, 2014
• Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (2/4) – from April 14, 2014
• Confessions of a Southern Gentleman (1/4) – from April 10, 2014

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