Title: Younger Than Stars (1/?)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy, pre-Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Jim never thought he would fall in love this way but he hardly minded. Remembering that he loved, and was loved, kept him sane. At least, he hoped so – until his rescue came.
A/N: It occurred to me that I’ve never tackled a McKirk TOS story, not from the perspective that Jim and Leonard are already together. Here’s one, then.
Read here or at AO3

With his mouth flat and his forehead creased, Bones looked terribly stressed. As of late, Jim had imagined pressing his thumb against that crease and smoothing it out. Once, unthinking, he had raised his hand but Bones had looked up and caught him before his thumb managed to make contact. Quickly Jim had drawn his fingers through his hair, hoping to give the impression there had been no intention to touch the man at all, but his friend’s mouth had just quirked in response. Any pretense was moot.

That, he would decide later, was the moment of change for them. Nothing so dramatic or complicated, just one person reaching out to another—and an acknowledgement, albeit unspoken, that the offer would have been accepted.

“What would drive a man to change a habit he’s had since childhood?” Leonard McCoy pondered this question while leaning against the headboard of his captain’s bed.

Separated from the bedroom by a waist-high partition, Jim sat at his terminal console, relaxed in a chair, focused on the screen. His reply was absent-minded. “You’d have more of a clue than I would.”

Leonard sipped from a glass in his hand. “Why do you say that, Jim-boy?”

“I’m not certified in psychology.”

“Neither am I,” Leonard countered, amused. “I only have a degree, not the service hours.”

“Sounds good.”

“Are you even listening?”

“Uh-huh.”

Leonard set his drink on a nightstand and walked into the adjoining cabin. He stood behind Kirk and laid his hands on the man’s shoulders. “What do I have do,” he leaned down to drawl against an ear, “to keep your attention?”

Jim’s fingers had frozen above the console. His eyes flicked over to McCoy’s mirror image on the computer screen. “You have it now.”

Leonard smiled and drew back. “Never mind.”

Jim’s hands came down hard on his desk and he twisted around to face Leonard as Leonard stepped away from his chair.

The doctor locked his hands loosely behind his back in a parody of parade rest.

“I was doing work.”

Leonard cocked an eyebrow. “So go back to work, Jim.”

Jim’s eyes grew hooded. “Bones…”

Leonard rose up on the balls of his feet slightly before dropping down again. “I won’t distract you anymore,” he promised.

“No chance of that, mister,” Jim said, gaze raking over him, “unless you decide to put your pants back on.”

“You’re one to talk,” Leonard shot back.

Jim snorted and stood up, palms out, fingers spread. “You win. No more paperwork tonight. I’ll even take the blame when my yeoman shows up tomorrow and discovers he has nothing to collect.”

“Good,” Leonard said, meaning it. “Now about that question I had…”

He returned to the bedroom with Kirk on his heels.

James Kirk approached the lead engineer overseeing the activity in the shuttle bay and said, “Report, Lieutenant.”

The engineer came to attention immediately. “Hello, Captain!” He waved a hand at other crewmen bustling about. “We’ll be ready to go soon—ETA, less than an hour, sir. Loading the emergency landing equipment now, then we’re set to run through the checklist.”

Jim nodded and took a data padd the young man handed to him. “Then the items requested by the Ambassador must be onboard.”

The engineer blinked. “Er… some of them?”

Jim looked up sharply. “Come again?”

The young man hesitated. “Didn’t you receive our status update?” He explained quickly, “We had to adjust the quantities so the shuttle wouldn’t be overloaded.”

Inwardly, Jim cursed. That had been next in his queue before…

The engineer cleared his throat. “Mr. Spock sent his approval this morning.”

“Oh, very good,” Jim said, much relieved, then muttered an excuse of “Busy night” more awkwardly, having to re-read a line of the release form twice after an image of a naked McCoy sprawled over his bedroom pillows came to mind, only to be superimposed by the stern face of his Vulcan First Officer, who was no doubt waiting for the right moment to address why the mission’s status update had not been answered in a timely manner.

“I can see you’ve done an excellent job here, Hughes. Where do I sign?”

The crewman glowed at the praise and happily scrolled to the bottom of the lengthy form for Jim. “Right here, Captain.”

The sound of a familiar voice cut through the din of the bay. “Jim, do you have a minute?”

Jim signed the release form with the trademark scratches of his initials and handed the padd back to Lt. Hughes, who seemed to understand this was the appropriate time to disappear.

Jim turned to McCoy. “Morning, Bones. I see you’ve opted to come down here before your first cup of coffee. What’s so important?” He didn’t wait for a reply, leading the way to an alcove in the bay where neither of them would be in the way of those preparing the shuttlecraft.

Leonard folded his arms and jumped right to what was on his mind, as was typical of him. “You didn’t give me an answer last night.”

Suddenly Jim was glad he had made the choice to keep this conversation away from listening ears. He shifted on his feet. “Bones, this isn’t the place to—”

Leonard just continued to look at him, and Jim wisely didn’t finish his statement, just sighed through his nose instead.

“I didn’t know what to say.”

“How about the truth?”

“Bones.”

“Jim.”

They stared at each other for a moment longer.

Then Jim reached out and wrapped a hand around the other man’s bicep. “At our next dinner. You’ll have my answer then.”

The doctor’s stance relaxed somewhat. “Fine, I’ll wait—but only because I think you know you’d be a fool to break a promise to me.”

“Never,” Jim said. He gave Leonard’s arm a squeeze before letting him go. “Come to the Bridge later.”

Leonard sniffed and stepped out of the alcove. “Don’t know why you need me up there.”

“I could put in a request for fresh coffee.”

Leonard cut a sideways glance at him. “Depends.”

“Brewed, not replicated,” conceded Kirk.

McCoy smiled. “See you on the Bridge then, Captain.”

Jim watched the man walk away until the doors of the bay hid him from sight. Their decision to become lovers was hardly recent but there were still moments when Jim felt as if he was discovering his affection for McCoy all over again. In a way, he hoped that feeling never changed. It reminded him why he had accepted the risk that came with having a relationship outside of duty.

The lead engineer re-appeared, bringing an end to Jim’s preoccupation. “Sir, the Ambassador wants to talk to you. She has some concerns.”

Wonderful, Jim thought wryly. Ambassador Leta had been voicing her ‘concerns’ ever since they picked up her from Starbase V. It had been a trying week, in his opinion.

Jim clapped a hand to the young man’s shoulder. “Then we should listen to them—for the last time.”

Hughes snorted.

Jim swallowed a laugh and followed his subordinate across the bay.

Time to focus on work again.

Leonard walked onto the Bridge, stopped short, and frowned. He asked Uhura, “Where’s Jim?”

Across the platform, a hunched figure at the Science station straightened up and turned around. “Captain Kirk has been delayed by a conversation with Ambassador Leta.”

Leonard stared at the Vulcan for a long minute, unable to decide if he should point out that he had asked Uhura, not Spock, or ask for more details.

Spock broke the silence by saying, “Why are you here, Doctor?”

The question wasn’t phrased like any of Spock’s usual polite forms of inquiry. Leonard’s hackles started to rise, but he reminded himself Spock had the right to ask as the second-in-command on the Bridge, and nothing would be gained by lashing out. He kept his tone mild as he replied, “I was invited.”

Spock kept staring at him.

“By Kirk,” Leonard added, his temper pricked again. Had Spock always been surrounded by this oppressive air of judgment? Or had Leonard only begun to notice it since he became involved with Jim?

That thought bothered him, just as another thought did, the idea that Spock knew about them.

He backed towards the turbolift, saying briefly, “Please tell the Captain I stopped by.”

Spock’s gaze stayed on him until the lift door closed tight.

Finally free of the relentless scrutiny, Leonard leaned against the back wall of the lift and sighed, feeling like he had just barely skirted a dangerously thin layer of ice.

This was why he wanted an answer from Jim. They had to consider what to do about Spock before tensions reached the point of eclipsing their ability to work together. He didn’t want that to happen, honestly hadn’t thought Spock would figure out, let alone care, what he and Kirk did outside of ship’s business.

Of all the things to be wrong about, Leonard thought with a shake of his head.

The lift deposited him on the deck with the cafeteria. He retrieved a cup of coffee from a replicator and drank it slowly, disappointed that it wasn’t what Jim had promised him.

One of his staff members paged him on the way out of the cafeteria, and so he pushed his personal problems aside for the time being as he headed towards Medical to do his job.

“You’re coming with me, Kirk.”

It was more of a statement than a question but Jim remained polite. “I intended to accompany you, yes.”

The woman’s eyes narrowed. “I can never tell when you’re lying.”

“Because I’ve yet to lie to you,” Jim snapped.

Her sour expression lightened. “That wasn’t an insult, Captain Kirk.”

It had sounded like one. He turned away. “Do we have anything left to discuss?”

“No, I think not.”

“Excellent.” Jim strode for the exit of his guest’s quarters, but paused there. “You have made a point of antagonizing me since we met, Leta. Why?”

The woman smiled, albeit thinly, at him. “An old habit, I suppose. I had wondered what kind of man you would be.”

Jim caught himself waiting for her to her to continue and drew back his shoulders. “What I am is someone weary of arguing. Our departure for Tassos III remains on schedule. An officer will arrive shortly to escort you to the shuttle bay.”

“Then there is no need to offer a goodbye, Captain.”

Jim pressed his mouth into a line. Somehow Leta always managed to come away as the victor of their verbal clashes and, at this point, he decided he didn’t have the desire or energy to try to win what would hopefully be their last one. He offered a clipped nod and moved into the corridor.

As far as he was concerned, the end to this mission couldn’t arrive fast enough.

Warning lights surrounding the activated docking pad glanced off the shiny hull of the shuttlecraft, creating a scattering of color throughout the bay. Two figures standing close together were cast in the yellowish light, engaged in quiet discussion.

“I will reiterate my statement, Captain. You are not required to accompany the Ambassador on her rendezvous.”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. “Duly noted, Commander, but I won’t change my mind.”

Spock studied him for a moment. “Then you have a… personal reason, sir?”

“Not personal, Spock. I think of it as completing my escort duties.”

The Vulcan opened his mouth, but Jim raised his hand to stall the next argument. He didn’t need to be reminded again that there was sufficient personnel to see Leta on her way. When the Enterprise received an assignment to escort any official, the safety of their passage was his responsibility, to the extent that it did feel personal. But he couldn’t say that to Spock because Spock, who felt personally responsibility for his safety, would simply turn that explanation into a way to invite himself along on the shuttle ride.

And that’s not where Jim needed him the most. “Mind the store for me,” Kirk told his second-in-command. “We can celebrate the Ambassador’s departure when I get back.”

Spock lifted an eyebrow. “Celebrate, Captain?”

“That’s what you do after you’ve endured a very difficult task.”

Spock looked like he would have made a comment about that if not for the voice which cut in abruptly to their conversation.

“Jim!” McCoy called again, crossing the bay towards them at a hurried pace.

Spock’s countenance resumed its usual stoicism, but it was the look in Spock’s eyes which arrested Jim.

“Spock,” he started to say, concerned, reaching out to his friend.

Bones reached them and grabbed the back of his arm in that instant, growling, “Jim, you didn’t tell me you were going with the Ambassador!”

Spock took a step back and gave them both a carefully disinterested inclination of his head. “I must return to the Bridge. We will monitor your course to Tassos III.”

“Commander,” Jim said before Spock moved too far away, “we should talk when I return.”

“Acknowledged,” murmured the Vulcan without turning back. He exited the bay swiftly.

The man beside Kirk hissed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jim pulled Leonard’s hand off his arm. “Bones,” he said, suddenly uncertain, “I think Spock…”

Leonard quieted, whatever he wanted to fuss about forgotten. He turned Kirk toward him and, after searching Jim’s face, said slowly, “You saw it too, then. Spock hates me.”

Jim shook his head. “It wasn’t hatred, Bones. It was fury.” Jim had only seen the Vulcan that coldly furious once before.

Apparently Leonard recalled that memory too, for he paled. After a few seconds of nervous swallowing, the man said, “Well, I’m not sure that makes me feel better.”

Jim shook his head again. “No. It just doesn’t make sense. What would he be so upset with you about?”

Leonard sighed. “Now that answer is obvious.”

It wasn’t obvious to Jim.

“Us—us, Jim.”

“Us…?” Jim’s mouth clicked shut as his stomach turned. Spock knew?

“You know,” Leonard went on to say, more subdued, “I think I’ve changed my mind. You should go on this trip.”

“Why?” Kirk asked cautiously.

Leonard looked uncomfortable. “To clear the air with Spock.”

Jim tensed. “What does that mean?”

Leonard lowered his gaze. “Means I ought to find out just how deep that fury runs.” He raised his head up again, quirking his mouth slightly. “If I’m in the brig when you get back, I expect you to rescue me.”

Jim couldn’t think of anything to say. He understood what Bones was offering to do. Touching the other man’s shoulder briefly, he simply nodded his gratitude.

They broke apart.

“See you,” Leonard murmured, watching him.

“We’ll fix this,” swore Jim. “We have to.”

“I know. Be safe,” the doctor added as a group of people assembled in front of the shuttlecraft. He moved out of their way but didn’t leave, just stood to the side, still watching.

Jim knew Bones wouldn’t walk away until the techs called for all personnel to vacate the dock. He put his back to his lover and blew out a breath, deeply troubled. He didn’t feel good about leaving Bones behind to deal with Spock, but he had already committed the next two days to the woman presently beckoning him to her side. Duty called, literally.

They boarded the shuttle together. Jim seated himself in the pilot’s chair, and Leta chose the seat behind him. Soon enough, everyone else was situated, the hatches were secured, and he and the co-pilot cleared the protocol for lift-off. The shuttle made its way free of the ship with textbook flawlessness, and the void of space swallowed them up.

Briefly Jim switched the main viewer for a backwards glance and watched the Enterprise shrink in the distance to a tiny silver star. When that star finally winked out, Kirk transferred the viewer forward again, resuming the business of manning his station in silence. He felt the shuttle walls humming with impulse power. Auto-pilot took over. Nothing occurred on the console to alarm him.

Why, then, he did feel as if he had breached a point of no return? Was it because of the uncertainty he left behind?

Behind him, Ambassador Leta kept her eyes firmly shut but gave the order, “Notify me when we’re within sight of the colony.”

“Of course, Ambassador,” agreed the co-pilot.

Jim realized then, despite the company of his shuttle crew, he was more alone than ever.

Next Part

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• Younger Than Stars (14/16) – from November 17, 2015
• Younger Than Stars (13/14) – from November 6, 2015
• Younger Than Stars (12/14) – from October 30, 2015