Title: Don’t Touch the Rock (#3, J ‘N B Series)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Comment!fic for this post at jim_and_bones, based on the picture of Chris.
Previous Parts: Another Day, Another Dollar, and a Daily Show? | Fight the Good Fight

Really?

“Really?” Jim echoes the thought out loud.

Chekov’s eyes widen. “Da! It vas this BIG, sir!” The navigator has a lengthy distance between hands to indicate such fervent proclamations of dimension.

The captain’s eyes skip over to the engineer. “Mr. Scott?”

“Twas giant, sir,” agrees the man in a heavy Scottish burr. Scotty won’t quite meet Jim’s eyes. “Never seen the like o’ it.”

Jim sits back in his command chair and the two fingers against his left temple are mirrored by two fingers from his other hand against his right temple. He slowly massages the skin, knowing the lack of ache there won’t last long. Finally dropping his hands and sighing to acknowledge the silence on the Bridge, he turns in his chair to address the people at his back.

“Call down to wardrobe, Uhura. Have them met us in the transporter room with appropriate attire.” He grimaces. “Spock, assemble a security team just in case.”

The Vulcan, unfortunately, doesn’t need to ask what kind of situation just in case refers to.

Thinking of the security team, the word voyeurs occurs to Jim, and he almost plants his face in his palm. Instead he asks Pavel again, “Are you sure?”

The young man nods earnestly. “Mr. Scott and I vere lucky to get back to the ship before… um, unhindered, sir.”

Chekov blushes, and Jim is certain the back of his own neck is red.

“We’ll handle it as best we can,” he tells Pavel firmly.

If at all possible, Chekov gets redder. Jim says nothing when the navigator puts his back to the rest of the Bridge crew and pretends to be interested in his console.

This is the last time Jim sends Bones down to a planet by himself. Okay, to be fair, Dr. McCoy beamed down in a party of five, including Pavel, Scotty, Sulu, and a redshirt whose name always eludes Kirk.

Pavel and Scotty had evaded contamination; Bones, Sulu, and the nameless redshirt did not.

The landing party had stumbled upon an old abandoned shrine; the shrine, interestingly enough, was a large (and Pavel implies large as in the universe’s biggest ever) blatantly phallus-shaped rock decorated with runes. And old though the shrine may be, it still had some kind of unexplainable effect on those who touched it.

God if Jim knows how they are going to cure this particular bout of madness; normally the senior medical officer figures it out with his brilliant mind.

Oh, Bones.

Bones just had to touch the enormous cock.

So did Sulu, apparently. The redshirt too.

Jim would smirk on any other day and be happy to feed a fantasy of his or two. Except Bones is currently naked and horny planet-side, having ripped off his clothes in a crazed fit. It’s not so fun if Jim is stuck on the ship in the meantime.

Another strange phenomenon (which hasn’t occurred with the previous cases of foreign-induced lust such as this one) is that the infected/possessed/whatever-the-hell-happened-to-them officers aren’t interested in each other sexually. They only want to screw the un-infected. And the shrine that has zapped his boyfriend’s libido has also done something to prevent the transporter from locking onto him.

Again, sexed-up Bones on planet. Jim, not. This is clearly injustice.

Someone has to go down to the surface and fend off the three men or sedate them or something. Jim has no problems with volunteering himself because 1) he is certain he is man enough to handle the situation (he told Chekov so and Jim Kirk isn’t a liar or a coward) and 2) Bones is his and Jim just doesn’t appreciate the thought of someone else getting the caressing touch of Bones’ hands or the sinful delight of Bones’ mouth, not to mention other special bits of Bones too.

There will be one or two downsides, of course. Sex in the bushes hurts. So does sex over sharp rocks.

Jim makes a resigned noise and stands up, ready to go to the transporter room.

Though it will be a nice consolation later on, he thinks rather gleefully, to see his lover’s face after Bones finds out that he tried to molest poor Scotty.

Next Drabble

Related Posts:

• Just Another End – from May 21, 2011
• Jim’s Good Idea – from April 14, 2011
• Fight the Good Fight (#2, J ‘N B Series) – from August 29, 2011