Title: Awesome Ideas Come from Awesome Brains (AKA Jim’s Awesome Brain) (#11, J ‘N B Series)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek/Supernatural
Characters: Kirk, McCoy, Winchester brothers
Summary: Comment!fic written for this pic post of Tom Hardy (who looks very much like a Jensen Ackles double in his outfit) and Chris Pine at jim_and_bones. Crossover. Dean and Jim are attempting to avoid certain people – and get caught anyway.
Previous Parts: Another Day, Another Dollar, and a Daily Show? | Fight the Good Fight | Don’t Touch the Rock | A Tear Worth Gold | Another Day, Another Dollar, Part 2 | Pirates Read Too | The Case of the Mondays | Today’s Topic- Helmets! | The Case of the Mondays, Part 2 | Marked

“Dude, maybe we should go back…” A man says this as his foot hesitates to step down from the street curb. He is fully prepared to retrace his steps to the quiet, dark coffee shop from whence the pair came. Being out on the open street makes him twitchy for his gun, which he sadly left behind in the trunk of his beloved Impala.

Jim reaches behind him without looking and snags the back of Dean’s jacket, propelling Dean forward. They cross the street together. “We’re hiding in plain sight, man.”

The older Winchester brother rolls his eyes expressively. “Just so you know—hiding in plain sight only works if you are ugly. Like Sam.” His voice grows thoughtful. “Then again, Sammy has the gargantuan thing going. Gargantuan ugly is hard not to notice.”

Jim cuts his eyes at Dean. “Do you always talk about your brother this much?”

“What?“

“Hey,” Kirk lifts his hands in a calm-down-buddy gesture at Dean’s tone. “I mean, we’ve been hanging out… about an hour? You do a lot of talking about Sam.”

There is a smirk in Dean’s voice as he counters, “Is your pot dissing my kettle for being black? You’re all Bones this and Bones that. At least I can claim Sam’s my annoying little brother. What’s your excuse?”

“Bones is—” Jim pauses, frowns. He tries again. “Bones is—”

“—a friend with benefits?” supplies Dean.

Kirk glares. “No! It’s platonic, strictly platonic between us.”

“Damn,” says the other man with a sad shake of his head. “That’s unfortunate for you then. He looks like a great lay.”

Jim stops walking and crowds into Dean’s personal space. “And how do you know what Bones looks like?” he demands.

Dean lifts his eyebrows and points off to the side. “I’m assuming he’s the guy shadowing my brother.”

Kirk opens and closes his mouth, turns to get a good look just as somebody ducks around the corner of a building. The glimpse is fleeting but it is definitely McCoy Jim decides.

“Shit” is Jim’s succinct summarization.

Dean says dryly, “You didn’t tell him we were meeting, did you?”

Jim shoves a hand through his short hair. “Fuck no. He’d have lectured about…” Jim clears his throat. “Let’s just say he wouldn’t have agreed with the idea.”

“Because he’s a jealous BFF?”

Because we’re fucking time travelers, Jim! bitches a strange Bones-like voice in his head. Don’t get buddy-buddy with anybody in this century! The bitching fades to a simmering grumble. Oh God, Spock’s going to have a cow over last night when he finds out.

Jim isn’t sorry. How often is he going to get to visit the first decade of the 21st century anyway? A little bar-hopping never hurt anyone… And he shared drinks with some fun people—like Dean Winchester. Maybe Bones would have liked it better if he had been invited.

Jim indulges in a long mental sigh and fixes his attention on Dean again. “So why’s Sam trailing us?”

Dean waves a hand nonchalantly. “Oh, he thinks there’s something weird about you.” Dean grins but there is a hard look in his eyes Jim finds disturbing. “I’m just proving a point—that you’re not weird.”

“And if I was?” Jim wants to know, mainly out of curiosity.

Dean looks him over and sizes him up, Jim thinks, as the Klingon commander of a battle cruiser would assess the Enterprise.

“I could handle it,” Dean concludes, still nonchalant.

Jim turns on the charm wattage of his grin. “I’m definitely not weird. All human here.” He pats himself, meaning it in a joking way, but Dean Winchester stiffens.

Dean’s belated answering grin is equally charming—exactly the kind that had attempted to entice the pretty bartender last night (but she had rejected Dean, as she had rejected Kirk not ten minutes earlier, and so the two men shared a consolation drink and thereby discovered they had many things in common besides a penchant for flirting with anyone in a low-cut top).

The grin is also equally fake.

Jim suddenly feels naked without his phaser. He decides to continue his stroll along the sidewalk, half-hoping Dean—who is much more dangerous than the first impression Jim had—does not follow. But Dean matches his stride.

“What’s good to eat in this town?”

“Wouldn’t know,” responds Jim’s companion. “Sam and I are passing through.”

Really?

Jim offers, “So are Bones and I. We’re actually scheduled to ship out tomorrow.

“Military?”

He chuckles. “Something like that.”

For a long minute, they walk in silence. Jim has no idea where he is going or how much further the street goes before it runs out of sidewalk or even if Bones is still following him. That last part he wants to be true, quite fiercely. Bones is good at dragging Jim out of a dogfight when it comes down to it; and McCoy is also usually great at talking sense into the guy trying to flatten Jim’s face with a fist.

“Burgers.” Dean’s voice interrupts Jim’s thoughts.

Jim repeats, “Burgers?”

“Yeah. As in a big fat hamburger with onion rings and chili. I want one. What about you?”

Jim’s stomach growls, overriding his apprehension. “They have jalapenos in this century, right?”

Dean gives him a funny look. “Yeahhh…”

With a new spring to his step, Jim announces loudly enough for the whole street to hear, “Jalapenos are awesome! I bet fifty credits I can eat more than you can!”

Dean looks momentarily uncertain if Jim is talking to him (Jim is yelling for Bones’ benefit) but undoubtedly decides why not? “You’re on, dude. And you’re going down.” Then, after a pause, “You meant fifty bucks, right?”

Jim blinks. “Uh, yeah.” Crap, where’s Spock for a quick money-of-the-century conversion when he needs one? Jim admits there is some truth to McCoy’s labeling of Vulcans as walking calculators.

Dean slaps a hand onto Jim’s shoulder. “You’d better have that cash, Kirk. I always win.”

This is why he likes Dean. “No way. I always win,” he corrects.

In charity, with their most pressing doubts of one another cast aside for the time being, the two men head for the fast food restaurant peeking around the corner of the street.

At the burger-joint’s counter, he orders three burgers and snags a bottle of jarred jalapenos from the hesitant hands of the cashier for their bet. Dean asks about the third burger he sets aside, and Jim explains, “For Bones.” Then, referencing the salad on Dean’s tray, “For Sam?”

“The idiot freaks out over grease.”

“Tell me about it,” quips Kirk. Hmm, it seems Sam and McCoy have a lot in common too.

Dean lovingly puts six peppers on his first burger. Jim does the same. The door chime to the establishment announces the arrival of newcomers. Jim grins broadly in Bones’ direction, enjoying the horrified look on the doctor’s face as Jim takes his first bite of a jalapeno-covered hamburger.

Everything sort of blurs together for the next minute.

Over the white noise of his own choking fit, Jim hears someone say in response to the sound of heaving, “Jesus, Dean, at least wait until you’re at the trash can!”

A hand lands on the side of his neck. “Hold still, kid!”

But he cannot stop flailing. It burns!

Then there is a sharp stab of pain in his neck and, seconds afterward, Jim can finally make out a figure with his watery eyes. Leonard “Bones” McCoy is saying (to Sam, Jim thinks), “Do you see what I mean? Can’t leave ‘im alone for a goddamned second!”

He would protest but Bones has done something to numb his tongue. He idly hopes Dean gets the same treatment. Just so things are fair.

Bones is complaining in his ear, “Spock is going to kill us, fuckin’ nerve-pinch us to death or something. I really hate you, Jim.”

However, to Jim, that beloved tone of McCoy’s voice means anything but hate; in fact, Jim starts wondering if his new friend Dean doesn’t have a point or two about his feelings for Bones.

He puts his arm around his doctor on the pretense of needing support (though he is sort of wobbly from the jalapeno attack—stupid peppers just jumped into his mouth, he swears). Bones does not protest.

Maybe something good will come out of this time-traveling business after all.

-Fini

In the Keeping of a Spirit

Related Posts:

• Another Day, Another Dollar, Part 4 (#40, J ‘N B Series) (40/40) – from March 29, 2013
• The Light In Which We’re Cast (#39, J ‘N B Series) – from March 20, 2013
• Playing Life to Win (#38, J ‘N B Series) – from March 14, 2013
• An Intergalactic Fandom (#37, J ‘N B Series) – from January 15, 2013
• We Fight to Win (#36, J ‘N B Series) – from January 4, 2013