Title: A Series of Laughs – 5
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Characters: Kirk, Spock, McCoy
Summary: Drabble fill for trek_crackbingo prompt: elopement.
Previous Fills: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

“He did what?“

“I believe the term is… eloped, Doctor.”

“Say that again.”

Spock tilts his head.

When the Vulcan does not comply, McCoy grabs two fistfuls of that blue uniform (Hell, Spock can’t unwind even on vacation) and yanks the Vulcan into spitting range. “Say. That. Again. MR. SPOCK.”

“Doctor,” Spock states instead, “you appear to be on the verge of coronary distress.”

Leonard makes a sound like a boiling kettle. He attempts to shake the Vulcan out of that infernal amusement but knows that Spock weighs a sight more than apparent. Talk about bone density. McCoy is forced to release the First Officer.

“When’s he coming back?”

Spock’s look clearly implies How should I know?

“Damn.” Leonard decides that he is going to rip into someone because there is no way—

Ah. Here comes a fool now.

“Jim!” barks the doctor.

Kirk hesitates with one foot in the door to their bungalow. “Bones?”

McCoy begins to bounce on the balls of his feet in agitation. “Spock, tell ‘im.”

“I attempted to contact you, Captain, upon immediate notification of—”

“Scotty’s made off with the ship!”

Jim wobbles on his one leg, has to plant his hovering booted foot down hard. “What?”

“My sentiments exactly!”

“…Scotty… and the Enterprise? …Where’s my ship!” Jim has gone from stupefied to instantly upset.

“The Chief Engineer’s parting words were broadcast over our communication units, Captain.”

“I forgot mine. We’re on shore leave!”

Meaning that Jim Kirk deliberately left his communicator. McCoy could strangle the idiot. “He’s eloped with the damn ship, Jim.”

Again, Jim seems to be tangling his speech. “E-Eloped? Elopement… with the Enterprise?“

“To clarify, Sir, an unexpected journey between two hand-fasted individuals with the intention of securing their bond. I find that the word ‘elopement’ has a fascinating origin pertaining to the ancient Terran rite—”

Spock, unfortunately, is cut off by McCoy’s screech of dire threats should the Vulcan continue to elucidate on the definition of to elope.

Jim finds a chair and sinks down into it. “Scotty stole my ship…”

McCoy pauses in his harangue to glare at the distraught Captain. “I told you. He ain’t been right in the head since that incident with that damn homemade blender of his. Lord in Heaven, we had to run the man through a metal detector to find all the staples. I still think we missed some.”

“But, Bones, it’s my ship!”

“Pfft. The real issue is that we’re stuck on this tourist trap of a planet until he comes back!”

“Negative, Doctor. In a situation such as this, we are obliged to alert Starfleet. They will arrange for our transportation to the nearest starbase.”

Leonard crosses his arms. “So you’re saying that we should turn Scotty in?”

The Vulcan raises his eyebrow. “He absconded with a constitution class vessel. Regulation states that we must do so.”

Jim says sincerely, “Enough. Let me think.”

With a purse of his lips, McCoy stares at Kirk until the Captain looks away uncomfortably. Leonard’s self-imposed silence doesn’t last long. “Well? How are you going to get us out of this one, Jim?”

The man winds a hand into his short hair and tugs. “No idea, Bones.”

Leonard turns to Spock. “Vulcans are supposed to be the brightest bulbs in the box. You’d better have a solution, Mr. Spock, and don’t bother with that Scotty-is-a-criminal crap either.”

“Mr. Scott did announce his honeymoon arrangements.”

Kirk jumps up. “That’s it, Mr. Spock!”

“I took the liberty of acquiring a shuttle for our use, Captain, and programmed the appropriate course.”

Leonard looks between the two officers. “So we’re going to crash the wedding party, huh?” He smiles then. “Count me in.”

As Jim sets about collecting a few items for travel—searching for his jacket, that is—the Vulcan turns to observe the impatient but suddenly pleased doctor. “The shuttle can comfortably accommodate three persons; however, I am aware of your… dislike for space travel in small crafts.”

He shrugs. “Jim has been climbing every damn peak on this rock and I’m tired of waiting for him to fall off one of ’em. He’ll be restless but at least I won’t have to chase after him. Besides, as long as you don’t pester me with inane facts, I can manage.”

When Spock does not correct McCoy’s blatant assumption that the Vulcan is the source of all the doctor’s woes, Leonard’s grin grows in size. “Why, cat got your tongue, Mr. Spock?”

“Why would a member of the feline species have possession of a muscle necessary to aid the mastication of nourishment?”

“It’s a sayin’, you overgrown elf!”

The Vulcan pivots, hands clasped securely behind his back, and calmly speaks as he walks away. “I rather suspect that ‘pestering’ is an activity of the poorly engaged mind, Doctor McCoy.”

“Hey!” calls the Chief Medical Officer, knowing a Vulcan insult when he hears one. He hrmphs as Spock disappears into his room to pack. Then Leonard McCoy goes in search of a carefully stowed and preserved bottle of bourbon in the bottom of his ‘Fleet-issued traveling bag. He is sure that a drink or two will be in order for this newest little misadventure of theirs.

And maybe Jim can be coaxed from his (not well-concealed, not at all) sadness that Scotty got hitched to the Enterprise first.

Damn crazies.

Leonard is secure in the knowledge that he is the sanest of them all.

6

Related Posts:

• A Series of Laughs – 9 – from February 9, 2011
• A Series of Laughs – 8 – from January 16, 2011
• A Series of Laughs – 7 – from December 11, 2010
• A Series of Laughs – 6 – from December 10, 2010
• A Series of Laughs – 4 – from December 3, 2010