Title: The Amateur Pigeon-Catcher (#24, J ‘N B Series)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Characters: McCoy
Summary: AU; a day at the park isn’t what it seems.
Previous Parts: Another Day, Another Dollar, and a Daily Show? | Fight the Good Fight | Don’t Touch the Rock | A Tear Worth Gold | Another Day, Another Dollar, Part 2 | Pirates Read Too | The Case of the Mondays | Today’s Topic -Helmets! | The Case of the Mondays, Part 2 | Marked | Awesome Ideas Come from Awesome Brains | In the Keeping of a Spirit | The Case of the Mondays, Part 3 | The Case of the Mondays, Part 4 | The Case of the Mondays, Part 5 | Forewarned is Forearmed | The Case of the Mondays, Part 6 | The Case of the Mondays, Part 7 | The Case of the Mondays, Part 8 | The Case of the Mondays, Part 9 | Serenade | Another Day, Another Dollar, Part 3 | Tied to You

There’s a guy sitting on a park bench reading a newspaper. At first glance, Leonard takes in the stranger’s nondescript outfit—short sleeve t-shirt already sweat-stained by the heat, jeans that’ve been washed too many times, unlaced boots and, above the newspaper, a peek at a black frame of glasses and a crop of close-cut hair. At second glance, Leonard notices a more interesting detail of the man with the newspaper. Why it prompts him to walk over to the occupant of the bench and remark on it instead of safely moving on, he has no idea. Of course, Leonard has never tried determining why he does what he does, and today isn’t the day he starts curtailing his weird sense of curiosity.

He waits until his shadow slants over of the bench, warning of his presence, before saying “Mornin’.”

The paper doesn’t as much as quiver.

Leonard takes this as a sign he won’t be labeled as another creep hanging out in the park (at least not a manner-less creep) and skirts around the man’s extended legs to sit on the far end of the bench. He leans forward, gaze fixed across the expansive green of empty park landscaped by trees and city-maintained flowerbeds, and rolls his to-go cup of coffee between his hands.

After a moment, he tries again at sparking conversation. “Nice day.” When this attempt garners no response, he cuts a sidelong glance at his bench-buddy. “So… if you’re trying for inconspicuous, you might want to turn your paper right-side up.”

He watches, amused, as the guy jerks his bowed head upward with surprise, blinks owl-wide eyes behind his overly large glasses, and after studying his outdated newspaper hastily flips it around. Leonard lifts his cup to hide his smile and to pretend to sip at his coffee. The newspaper goes up like a fort again, and Leonard is left to himself to ponder his unfriendly neighbor.

Minutes pass. He carefully pours his lukewarm coffee onto the dirt and tucks the empty cup between his hip and the bench railing so the wind doesn’t pick up the litter. When a pigeon, plump and too dumb to be scared of the people walking their dogs along the sidewalk, waddles over to the bench and cocks his head at Leonard expectantly, Leonard unearths the crumbs of his morning danish he’d stowed in a napkin and tosses them toward the bird. Pigeons obviously must be of a hive-mind because within seconds the pigeon’s extended family—aunts, uncles, third cousins, and all—are rapping at the ground with their squat beaks and demanding more crumbs from Leonard. Leonard runs out of their food supply in fairly short order, which the birds find an unappetizing event; this is why one of them ends up swallowing half of Silent Guy’s bootlace.

Finally the newspaper is shoved aside as the man demands of Leonard, “What are you doing?”

Leonard replies mildly from his awkward position bent across the guy’s leg, “What’s it look like? This idiot’s choking on your shoelace. Damned thing probably thinks it is a worm. Don’t move, okay?”

Once Leonard rescues the pigeon from asphyxiation, it beats its wings ungratefully in panic and stabs at Leonard’s hand until he drops it. “Shit!” Leonard inspects the wound, dismayed to see a spot of blood well up on his palm. He wipes away the blood with the tail of his shirt and turns to look at the man next to him, adding with an innocuous hint of a grin, “Mornin’.”

“You already said that,” Leonard is told.

“And you pretended you didn’t hear it, so it didn’t count.” He sticks out his un-injured hand in introduction. “Leonard McCoy.”

The guy stares at him. “You’re some kind of park weirdo, aren’t you?”

Normally he’d be offended but he slept an extra hour this morning and that makes all the difference in Leonard’s personality. Instead he chuckles. “No weirder than yourself, kid. Who are you stalking anyway?” He looks around pointedly. “The single women jog about an hour earlier ‘n this. All you got now are the soccer moms and grandmothers.”

The color which rises in the man’s face is a deep contrast to his otherwise pale skin. “Fuck you, man. I’m not a pervert!”

“Ah,” Leonard says, leaning back against the bench and stretching out an arm along its top edge. “My mistake. Guess it’s normal to read last week’s Sun News upside down and desperately act like you aren’t a cop on a drugs bust.”

His neighbor’s mouth drops open. “What?”

Leonard looks him over. “You’re obviously PD, kid. So…” His eyes skim the park. “Who’re you looking for?”

The guy narrows his gaze suddenly. “What business is it of yours?”

Leonard shrugs. “This is my bench. Since you’re an uninvited guest on my bench, I suppose that makes it my business.”

“Who’d you say you were?”

“Leonard McCoy,” he repeats amiably. “Want to see my driver’s license, officer?”

“Well, Leonard McCoy, I don’t see your name branded on this bench.”

“Why, that’d be defiling public property!” He cannot help but smirk, triumphant as his rejoinder finds its target with ease.

Now sporting a new tick in his jaw, the guy with the glasses—an apparent fake to a discerning man like Leonard, and sadly hipster too—roughly folds his newspaper into uneven thirds and tucks it under his arm. “I would tell you to move along,” he says to Leonard, “but since I’m clearly in the wrong for picking your bench—” His sarcasm is plentiful. “—and I don’t have time to waste, I’ll simply say don’t follow me.” With a thin, somewhat forced smile the cop stands up with a last slashing look at Leonard and walks away.

Don’t follow me. Ha! They’re graduating half-wits from the police academy these days.

Leonard checks his watch and is content to sit languidly where he is. Five minutes later, a tall man in a coat and a hat comes striding down the sidewalk from the west, his pace unhurried. He stops to adjust the length of his dog’s leash—a tiny Yorkie—and without hesitation takes a seat on Leonard’s bench. Leonard reaches down to pet the Yorkie, who delightedly licks his fingers, happy to see him.

“Mornin’,” Leonard murmurs without looking at the dog’s owner.

“Good morning, Leonard.” With a long-practiced ease, the man slips a small brown package from his coat pocket and places it between them. He remarks, “You may count it if you wish.”

Leonard laughs softly. “Do I need to, Spock?”

“You do not.”

“Well then.” He straightens and glances at his companion. “You know how this works by now. My thanks for the business. Let me know when you need another run.” He pockets the brown package, heavy with cash, and rises, toeing aside the dog. Without another word, Leonard cuts across the sidewalk to the open ground of the park, smiling good-naturedly at a young woman chasing after a toddler. He doesn’t need to look back to know that the dog, his owner, and Leonard’s used coffee cup are gone.

He wonders if the young cop will return after he slinks back to his boss without this morning’s catch. The fellow may be stupid enough to try again of course (the young types usually are) and, well, Leonard is not opposed to playacting the resident bench-warmer—or the charmer—if need be. He certainly doesn’t intend to get caught at the game or his rather illicit side-career.

…Holding his newspaper upside-down.

Leonard snorts.

What an amateur!

The Amateur Pigeon-Catcher, Part 2

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• Another Day, Another Dollar, Part 4 (#40, J ‘N B Series) (40/40) – from March 29, 2013
• The Light In Which We’re Cast (#39, J ‘N B Series) – from March 20, 2013
• Playing Life to Win (#38, J ‘N B Series) – from March 14, 2013
• An Intergalactic Fandom (#37, J ‘N B Series) – from January 15, 2013
• We Fight to Win (#36, J ‘N B Series) – from January 4, 2013